


You're not Alone

by Amethyzt



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-03 02:30:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 30,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2834867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amethyzt/pseuds/Amethyzt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because after all they have done to each other, Murphy finds himself unable to hate her. Not when she's just as broken as he is. She's not alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You're not Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!  
> This was originally posted in ff.net, and after being a guest for a few months on this site I decided to join. I hope you enjoy my story, I've been obsessing over Murphy lately and I had to write something.  
> This is a collection of related one-shots, all about a week apart from each other.

There was a loud crack in the sky as Murphy left his guard post. It was not yet night, but the sun had already set. Dark clouds clumped overhead, and he was instantly glad he was not in the night patrol tonight. He handed his gun to Major Byrne, who snatched it away without grace. He might have been pardoned by Abby, but pardoned was not the same as trusted. He didn't blame them. Hell, he wouldn't trust himself if he were them.

He exchanged a polite nod or two with the people coming in for the night patrol, more out of courtesy than anything else. It was not a secret that he had little to no friends in camp—little because these days Bellamy could actually tolerate to be in the same room as him. He had his hands full dealing with Clarke anyways.

The aftermath after Finn's death was both chaotic and machine-like. Raven was a mess. Clarke was cold. Raven had screamed at Clarke for hours. From the moment Clarke walked through the gates, Raven being held back by Bellamy and Clarke walking stoically by her, to the peak hours of the early morning, her voice soft and scratchy as she cradled her head in front of the gates where she had migrated to after Bellamy dropped her off at her tent. He had stood a few feet behind her then, and just stared. There had been a feeling in his chest that had made him uncomfortable. It would be hours later when he realized that it was pity.

That angered him. He was not the type of person to feel, he had programmed himself that way a long time ago, yet here he was feeling. Feeling for the girl that wanted to offer him in sacrifice to the grounder tribe, where she knew they would literally rip him limb from limb, all to protect her precious ex-boyfriend. He knew he wasn't innocent by far. He just found it bitterly amusing that he was considered a monster when there were those in camp that had more blood on their hands who were considered saints.

Finn, for example.

If he had been the one to massacre an entire village, he knew Clarke would have handed him over without a second thought.

He was angry that it hurt.

Murphy was rounding off a corner, heading to his tent when he saw her. Raven sat outside her tent, her elbows on her knees as she rested her chin on the bridge her arms formed over her bent knees. It was her face that made him stop. She had this glazed blank look over her eyes, dried streaks of tears on her skin. Her chest rose slightly as she breathed, but other than that she didn't move.

Despite his better judgment, he walked slowly towards her. He sat down besides her, leaving a few inches of space between them.

"It's going to rain. You should head inside your tent." He said, turning his head to look at her.

She didn't respond, she didn't move.

Murphy took a deep breath.

"I forgive you, you know"

Her head turned towards him, eyebrows scrunched.

"For wanting to offer me as sacrifice" he looked at the tents in front of them, smirk in place.

"Go to hell" she spat at him.

"Already am"

She wiped harshly at her cheeks, and he knew he had at least brought her out of her trance.

"I'd call us even, now" He pursed his lips, boring his eyes into hers.

"We're not even close" she glared back

His eyes wandered back to the dusty ground in front of him. He felt her body deflate as her momentary anger at him dissipated.

"I'm sorry about Finn" he whispered.

He heard her sniffle besides him.

"Why are you here Murphy?"

He scoffed quietly and shook his head. His fingers tangled themselves in his hair as he tilted his head to his chest. He felt her watery eyes on him, could see her turned down lips without even glancing at her.

"Because," he swallowed "for some odd reason that I can't understand, I care. And I want you to know that… You're not alone."

"I am alone" She murmured, her voice hitching.

"No you're not. Raven, there are so many people in this camp that are grieving with you— "

"If you're talking about Clarke, I'm warning you don't. She—"

"She did what she had to do" Murphy stated, his voice overlapping her flawed thoughts.

They sat in silence for a few seconds, until she heard him laugh softly to himself. She looked at him with fire in her eyes.

"I'm glad my pain makes you laugh"

He cleared his throat, and sighed. "That's not it. It's just… The world is fucked if I'm the one giving advice"

A humorless laugh bubbled from her throat, and she wiped away the tears that had started falling with the back of her hand.

"We're so fucked" she agreed.

He swayed and knocked her knees with his, and she gave him a sad smile.

"Thanks, Murphy."

"Don't mention it." He half-smiled at the ground.

Overhead, loud thunder boomed, and Murphy could see the tell-tale signs of a storm approaching. He didn't want to leave, but he had to get to his tent before the rain started. He had spent enough miserable nights wet and cold when he had been banished, he wasn't keen to spend another one without reason. He might have his own tent, but because the people of the Ark had yet to fully recognize him as one of their own, the only comfort he had were a few ratty blankets he had found in the dropship.

"I have to go." He groaned as he stood up, shaking out his shoulders.

Raven nodded, and he started towards his own tent.

"Hey Murphy?" she called, and he whipped his head around. "I forgive you".

She didn't have to say for what. He knew. Her fingers lazily stroked her brace as she looked expectantly at him.

He gave her a curt nod and began to walk again. His steps slowed though, and he turned his body around so that he was walking backwards. He saw her get up and wipe her hands on her legs. There was a noticeable weariness in the way she was carrying herself and before he could stop himself, he called to her again.

"Raven?"

"Yeah?" She put her hands on her hips.

"My name's John" He smiled, his lips tightly pressed against each other before he walked to his tent, this time without looking back.


	2. Raincheck

Murphy was in the middle of his day patrol when Bellamy came barreling through the forest, bellowing at them to open the gates. He and Clarke were half-dragging someone, Clarke rapidly speaking and trying to get them to stay awake. He shouldn't have been surprised that this first meeting with the grounders after the truce ended in an injury, but he really thought they had established peace after Finn's death.

But then again, it had been far too quiet around here anyways, and he really should have known that something would happen sooner or later.

As they got closer, he saw Octavia and Lincoln rounding up in the rear of Bellamy and Clarke, Kane and Abby in between the two sets of teens. His eyes scanned for Raven, he knew she had insisted in tagging along, but she didn't walk out of the tree line with them.

His eyes landed on the wounded person's leg that seemed to drag uselessly behind them, and everything clicked in an instant. He felt his legs run for the gates as they were dragged open, and he must've dropped his gun somewhere because he felt his hands reaching for her.

"Raven" he said breathlessly.

He traded places with Clarke, who quickly tried to make the crowd that had gathered back up so that they had a clear path to medical. Ravens head lolled against his shoulder, her brown hair matted to her face with sweat. He felt the familiar stickiness of blood stuck to her back as he grasped her waist with one arm.

"What happened" he snarled at Bellamy

"Misunderstanding" Bellamy said.

"What do you mean a misunderstanding?"

His words were laced with venom, to which Bellamy shot him a warning glare.

"Let's just get her to medical."

They trudged along until they reached the part of the ark that they had been using as their hospital. Clarke and her mom were already there. He and Bellamy carefully lifted Raven onto the table so that she lay on her stomach. Abby used scissors to cut her shirt open in one clean line. Murphy felt his hands gravitate towards where hers lay hanging off the table, and his eyes widened. Three of her fingernails in her right hand were gone. He gritted his teeth and flexed his jaw before lashing at Bellamy.

"What the hell happened?" He yelled, pushing him against the wall.

Bellamy shoved back, sending his backwards a few steps.

"Why did they torture her?" Murphy demanded.

His brain replayed memories of his own agony at the hands of the grounders, how they had prided in ripping off his own fingernails to get information about their camp, the blinding pain that their simple method brought forth, and he almost lost it.

"Why?" He asked, this time quietly.

"They thought she poisoned one of the grounders during the meeting" Bellamy explained.

"What? Why would they think that?"

"They saw her face when they killed Finn, they already had thoughts of her getting retribution. Thoughts which we didn't squash soon enough to avoid this whole thing."

"What did they do to her back?" Murphy asked, walking towards where Clarke and Abby were applying seaweed paste to the long lines that crisscrossed her back.

"Is this going to make her leg worse?" Clarke whispered to her mother, ignoring his question.

"I don't know, the lashes seem to have avoided the lesion the bullet created, but…" Abby trailed off.

Murphy rubbed his temples as he paced around the room. Bellamy walked over to where Clarke was washing her hands, and he rubbed her shoulders, whispering something Murphy couldn't hear.

"So who brought the poison to the party?" He asked.

"One of their own—the scary one, Indra" Bellamy said. "Not sure what they'll end up doing to her."

"Probably nothing like they did to me" Raven coughed, and everyone's attention instantly went to the brunette.

"Hey" Murphy laid his hand awkwardly on the table she lay in.

"Hey yourself." She smiled slightly.

"Raven" Clarke sat down on a chair opposite her. "I am so sorry. We should've defended you harder."

Raven shook her head. "What's done is done… I don't really want to talk to you, Clarke"

"Raven I—"

"Leave." She said, her teeth gritted.

Bellamy guided her up out of the chair, one hand on her elbow. They left medical quietly after that, having one of their silent conversations in which words were not needed.

"How do feel? Those grounders are some sons of bitches aren't they?" Murphy took Clarke's previous chair, barely looking up as Abby excused herself to go after Clarke.

"Now I can cross getting mutilated by a blood thirsty clan off my bucket list" Raven said bitterly.

"Your nails will grow back."

"Gee, thanks, because the thing I'm mostly worried about are my nails."

"Abby said the lashes they gave you didn't land were the bullet was."

"They still hurt like hell." She laid her head on crossed arms, her mouth turned down and eyes boring into Murphy.

"I would like to say you'll be fine, but—" Murphy sighed, running a hand through his tousled hair.

"Relax, John. If I wanted pity talk I would have let Clarke stay. The only reason I let you stay is because we're barely friends. I don't think I can stand being around anybody I actually like, hurt or not."

"What are you talking about? You like me, Raven. That's why you offered me up for sacrifice. In some ancient religions, that was an honor." He felt his lips form his signature smirk, and was satisfied when Raven's eyebrows shot up in amusement.

"Well, to be fair, you shot me."

"Gosh that was one time" he rolled his eyes.

They laughed to themselves for a few seconds, before locking eyes once again.

"Honestly, I am really sorry about that." Murphy said quietly.

"Water under the bridge." She tilted her head so that her cheek lay in her crossed arms.

Major Byrne picked that exact moment to come barging in.

"Go back to your post" she ordered, looking at Murphy.

"Be right there" he said, getting up from the chair.

"If you're not in your post in two minutes, I'll put you in night patrol for the next ten weeks" she threatened, letting the curtain fall back down into place.

"Yes ma'am" He gave Raven a lopsided smile.

"Thanks for distracting me from my pain, from all of it" She said softly.

"Just take it easy from now on, okay?" he looked at her from over his shoulder as he walked out.

"Hey John? Think you can give me a manicure sometime in the near future? Something tells me my hands won't look so pretty." she called, stopping him in his tracks.

"Let's take a raincheck on that until after the war, huh?" Murphy smirked, dropping the curtain in place.


	3. Falling

Raven hobbled around the small square space they were using as the temporary radio room, the hand that was not grasping her crutch sorting through a pile of spare parts, the ones that Wick and the rest of the engineers and mechanics had deemed useless and shoved in a supply closet. If catapulting to Earth in a hundred year old pod taught her anything, it was that down in Earth, there is no such thing as useless parts. You had to make do with what you had and think outside the conventional. But of course, to them she was just the poor crippled mechanic that (despite her kick-ass test scores and dedication) was probably admitted into Zero-G a little too early.

So they demoted her to listening in on Mount Weather—a job that, though important, anybody in the guard could do.

And yes, technically she was supposed to take it easy after the last few weeks. Finn's death was taking a big emotional toll on her, and after the Grounder's torture… Well, she'd definitely seen better days.

That pissed her off the most. The fact that she had finally regained some sort of independence with her stupid injury—she hadn't needed the crutches for a while—and then after last week, all the progress she had made was gone.

It was back to square one.

Finn was gone, and she felt helpless. That was a combination that brought her back to the years before she and Finn were friends. She remembered the loneliness, the emptiness, and that only made things worse. When things had started to get really bad as a kid, she found the boy next door to comfort her.

She was having a tough time coming to terms with the reality that the boy next door was never going to comfort her again.

She slammed a piece of scrap metal on the table out of frustration, a loud sigh escaping her.

Raven heard the curtain flip open, and she turned her head towards the sound. Murphy appeared in the doorway, holding two bowls, his gun slung across his back.

"Got you some grub, it looks a little thick but it's relatively warm" He walked over to her, standing across from her, the metal table in between them.

He handed her the bowl of food, if you could call it that, and Raven's nose instantly scrunched in distaste. If the off-white color was anything to go by, this wasn't going to taste too pleasant.

"What is this?" She lifted the spoon, watching as the oatmeal-like substance dripped back into the bowl in chunks.

"Lot's and lot's of protein" Murphy said shoveling a spoonful into his mouth "It's better than that green sludge we got for dinner the other night."

"What I wouldn't do for a piece of boar meat right now…" She let the spoon fall into the bowl and pushed it away from her.

Murphy sat in a tall stool in a corner of the room, watching as Raven sifted through what looked to him like a whole bunch of crap.

"What are you doing anyways? Aren't you supposed to be listening to Mount Weather?" He signaled with his head at the radio in the center table, next to where she had laid out the parts.

"I'm multi-tasking." She held up half of an old motor, chucking it behind her in an ever growing pile of more junk. "They put these parts in the supply closet of the tech room. I asked Wick if I could take them and he said yes."

"You should at least be sitting down. Abby told you to take it easy." He tossed aside his empty bowl of food and crossed his arms.

"This is me taking it easy, John" she rolled her eyes.

He looked at her for a long time, before shrugging his shoulders. He wasn't going to waste time arguing with her. He knew that even if he got her to sit down, she'd go back to doing whatever she wanted the minute he left the room. It was just who she was.

"Are you going to eat that?" He gestured to the bowl of food, which was probably already cold.

"Knock yourself out." She said as she tried to unscrew a bolt from an old contraption Murphy didn't recognize. She was using both of her hands to get a grip on the wrench and the part, her crutch being held by just her underarm.

Murphy saw her fall coming before she did.

Her grip on the crutch loosened slightly, and before she could regain her balance, she went tumbling down on the floor. He lunged to catch her, but he was on the other side of the table. He scrambled down to the floor as she rubbed her head, groaning.

"Raven, are you okay?" He looked her over for any signs of red blooming in her back, to see if she had reopened her wounds.

"I'm fine." She gritted her teeth, face contoured in obvious pain.

"C'mon let me help you"

"I'm fine" She repeated.

"A little help won't kill—" he started to grab her by the arms.

"I said I'm fine, Finn!" She snapped, mouth falling open after realizing what exactly she had just said.

She felt the hands on her arms slip away, and she looked at Murphy. His face was unreadable, stony as ever. He stood up slowly.

"John, I…" Her mouth bobbed open a few times, trying to find something to say.

Murphy just held his hands up and sucked in his lower lip, trapping it between his teeth as he shook his head.

"I didn't mean to… It just slipped out."

He just nodded, picking up his empty bowl from where he had left it.

"You're in a lot of pain. I get it."

She braced herself against the table and stood up, ignoring the sharp flash of pain that ran up her spine. She started to say something, but Murphy looked away, his hand lingering on the open curtain at the door.

"Look Raven. I know it still hurts, and at that moment I may have reacted like Finn would've," He saw her flinch at the mention of his name. "But I'm not Finn. I'm not going to coddle you and tell you everything is going to be okay because I'm not sure it will be. I'm not going to lie to you like that. I'm also not his replacement, and if in some twisted way in your brain you think I am, you better rewire yourself. You said it yourself, we're barely friends—Hell I fucking crippled you— you should know by now that I'm only going to destroy you."

He let the curtain fall after he walked through it.

"John!" She knelt as fast she could and grabbed her crutch.

She called his name again, hurriedly making her way to the doorway. Her back ached from the fall, but it was nothing serious. Right now she was more concerned about what Murphy had just said.

She saw him stalking away towards the front gate.

"Murphy!" She shouted, her voice carrying across the camp. A few people looked up and stared at her, but she didn't notice. Her gaze was fixed on the back of his head, and even though she knew he wouldn't turn around, she kept looking.

It was then that her ears caught the faintest familiar voice coming from the radio, and when she recognized it as Jasper's voice, she knew she'd have to put Murphy in the back of her mind for now.

Jasper's S.O.S message rang through the small room. Right now, she needed to get Clarke and Bellamy.


	4. Need

It was always the same damn leg… The same leg he had been stabbed in. Murphy hobbled across the forest with the remainder of the forty-seven and soldiers that had attacked Mount Weather. He had a tourniquet in his upper thigh, and he hoped that they would reach the camp soon. Not specifically for him, but for the people they were able to rescue from the Mountain men.

It had been too late for a couple of them.

Jasper's S.O.S signal last week had alerted them to a situation that was much worse than they had thought. He wasn't sure what Clarke thought the situation had escalated to, but after listening to the message, preparations to get their people out of there began immediately. They had begun to suck up their people's bone marrow, a painful process that would kill them in eight procedures.

He looked at the girl they called Harper, who was being carried on a stretcher by Jasper and Miller.

She had six procedures.

According to Jasper, she had been the lab rat of the group. It was a miracle she was alive—if even barely.

They lost six to Mount Weather. Thirty had bone marrow removed. The teens that could walk – which were not many—were carrying the others on stretchers.

As for his own injury, he had gotten shot when getting Harper out of the operating room. Crazy bitch doctor probably wanted his marrow too, but he knocked her head into the wall before she tried to sedate him.

He looked around at the grounders that encircled the whole group. They had had a slightly different mission—one a heck of a lot easier than theirs if he was to be honest. Their people were contained in a large chamber, being hung upside down and kept in cages like animals. With the chaos that ensued in the rest of the mountain, that chamber was less protected than usual. The grounders weren't what they were very interested in keeping at that moment.

He held on tighter to his gun as they walked through the forest. Those who weren't transporting people had been put towards the back of the group, to defend them in case Mount Weather decided to attack. Murphy didn't think they would, they had already walked the two day distance from the Mountain. Plus their siege had killed a lot of people from exposure to radiation—mostly those who hadn't received bone marrow. And since they had taken their "regular treatment" with them, he was positive they wouldn't attack.

For now.

He saw the familiar clearing from the edge of the forest and he let out a relieved sigh.

Clarke and Bellamy took the lead of the group, Bellamy clutching his arm where he had been shot twice. They stood at the front of the open gate with Lexa, the grounder leader.

As he approached the gate he felt himself looking for a certain brunette in the crowd. People were cheering as the teens arrived at the gate, parents and friends coming to hug their loved ones. He saw Monty being crushed in between his two parents, tears flowing down their eyes. They took a notice of Jasper shuffling his feet nearby and brought him into the embrace too. Guess goggle's family didn't make it down.

He walked passed them, thinking to himself how he had had enough of watching other people's reunions for the day. They wore him out. He stumbled into the empty med bay, perching on a stool and stretching out his leg on the bed in front of him. He pulled the medical tray full of instruments to him, and untied his tourniquet. He hissed in pain as he poured moonshine over his wound, shutting his eyes.

"You should wait for Abby" a familiar voice rang from behind him.

"I got this." He said, his voice strained.

He reached for a pair of forceps on the tray, but Raven stopped his movement with her hand.

He sighed and looked up at her.

"Did you get shot?" Her eyebrows furrowed, leaning over him to get a look at his leg.

"What do you think?" Murphy rolled his eyes.

"I think that you should wait to take the bullet out"

"Abby's going to have enough on her hands without having to treat me." He reached for the forceps once again, but Raven pushed the medical tray away from his reach, standing in front of it.

"What are you doing?" He asked, his voice tired.

"Do you even know how to get a bullet out?" She crossed her arms over chest.

"You dig in the hole and pull. It's not that hard."

"Oh so you've done it before?"

He gave her a frustrated look before answering.

"No."

"Ever been shot before?"

"No" he repeated, his gaze now fixed on his wound.

"Okay, then you should leave it to the experts, don't you think?" She grabbed the forceps.

"Wait, wait, wait." He held up a hand to slow her advances. She was incredibly terrifying at that moment holding up that metal surgical tool. "Is this your way of getting back at me for last week?"

"Maybe. But don't worry, I know what I'm doing. Abby gave me some minor training before you guys came back"

"Minor training?"

"Relax, I got this" She repeated his earlier words with a lopsided smile.

Much to his relief, Abby, Clarke, Bellamy and a few others barged into the med bay. They started accommodating Harper and a couple of the other teens who'd had the most bone marrow procedures on the beds.

"Raven?" Abby gestured with her chin to her.

"Gunshot wound" she answered.

"Okay, take care of Bellamy when you're done with him" she turned around to focus on the others.

"See? Told you." She hovered over his leg, cutting away the fabric around his pants with a pair of scissors.

"If you wanted me to take off my pants, all you had to do was ask." He smirked.

"Do you really want to be propositioning me when I have scissors this close to your junk?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Considering our past? Nope, probably not"

She told him to brace himself and he shut his eyes. The pain of the extraction of the bullet was great, but not unbearable—compared to anything he'd suffered on the ground anyways. Once the bullet was out, she dropped it in the medical tray, and dabbed some antiseptic on the wound.

"Wait, I didn't have to use moonshine?" He asked as she wrapped his leg.

"Nope"

"You didn't say anything. Was that your payback?"

"I had to teach you a lesson somehow." She set aside the instruments for later sterilization.

"And what lesson was that?" He lowered himself to the floor.

"That we all need each other."

Murphy looked at her for a long time without saying anything. She helped a grumbling Bellamy up onto the stool Murphy was previously in and continued working.

They locked eyes once she looked up, and she frowned at him.

"Find me when you're ready to admit that" she sighed, dabbing at Bellamy's arm.


	5. Whiskey Lullaby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter is not for Finn lovers. Raven says choice things about him, so you've been warned.
> 
> Also, title is from a song by Brad Paisley (in case you were wondering).
> 
> Enjoy!

It was the day of Finn's funeral.

A month had passed since his death, but while they had buried the body weeks ago, there had been no formal service performed. This was partly because of the anger that the people of the ark still harbored for him over putting them all in danger, and partly because there just had been a lot going on.

The funeral would take place in the grassy area right before the gates. Chairs had been set up in neat rows, the order contradicting the mismatched furniture. Almost all of the original hundred had already arrived, and without calling attention to himself, he sat down in a seat in the very last row. The seat next to him was vacant, and he knew it would stay that way.

Bellamy and Clarke stood at the front, conversing between them. He had a hand on the small of her back, and her face was turned away from the prying eyes of the people seated. If Murphy could guess what was going on, it would be that the princess was crying and the king was comforting her. And of course she would be crying, I mean she killed the guy. Who attends the funeral of someone they killed?

But of course, he knew Finn was not just any "someone". He was Finn. If Clarke was the princess, he was definitely the prince. He was the "voice of reason", the peacemaker… Who after a series of unfortunate events caused by the love of a woman murdered an entire village.

Yep, he was a keeper

Murphy knew he should feel bad thinking these things, but the truth is he didn't care. He was angry. He was pissed actually, that at the end of the day, Finn would be forever remembered as a martyr—A victim in that terrible situation he had found himself in. But Murphy knew better. He had seen the look in his eyes when he burned down that village's food storage, when he pulled the trigger and killed women, children, elders.

There are some lines you can't uncross, and Finn Collins had crossed all of them and tried to turn back.

To be honest he didn't even want to come to the funeral. The only reason he showed up was for Raven.

Speaking of Raven, where was she? He lifted himself up on his chair slightly to see if she was sitting somewhere up in the front, but she wasn't there. The sun was setting so he didn't think she would still be in radio room pretending to take it easy—she was still recovering from the Grounders. If she wasn't here, shit… He wasn't going to stay.

He got up just as Bellamy started addressing the crowd, and he was glad he wouldn't have to stay through. Already the opening remarks had given him a headache.

He made his way to his tent. The camp was quiet, probably out of respect for the funeral that he had just walked out on, and he found himself enjoying the peace for once. He took a deep breath as he opened the flap of his tent, making a note to patch a rather large hole that he could have sworn wasn't there yesterday. He dug around his meager belongings until he found what he was looking for.

He grabbed the bottle and tucked it in his jacket, hoping no one would see what he was carrying. He figured he would need the whole contents of the bottle tonight.

As he suspected, Raven was in her tent. He heard faint crying as he approached, and not wanting to deal with female waterworks, he made sure to clear his throat loudly so that she would hear him.

"Who's there?" She asked, her voice cracking.

He peeked his head through the tent, and she quickly dried her face with the backs of her hands.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"Brought you something" He said pulling out the bottle of whiskey from his jacket and coming inside the tent.

"Where'd you get it?" she pulled herself onto her cot, and Murphy took a seat in the ground in front of her, resting his back on a metal crate she was using as a nightstand.

"Found it" he unscrewed the cap and took a long swig, barely wincing as the burning liquid traveled down his throat. He held it out to her.

"You don't talk to me for a week and then you offer me liquor?" She exhaled loudly, taking the bottle from him. "You're so bipolar".

He ignored her comment, watching how she took a sip from the whiskey, face contorting in regards to the bitter taste.

"God, this is gross." She took another sip, this one longer.

"It's just what the doctor ordered." He smirked briefly, but then quickly got serious again. "Why aren't you at the funeral?"

"None of your business" she handed the bottle back to him.

He lifted it up to his lips and drank.

"So is this your way of making me feel better? Getting me drunk?" She leaned forward, resting her chin on her hands which were balanced on her knees.

"No better way to feel better. That is… until tomorrow. If we do this right, we'll both feel like shit"

And so they drank. Raven more so than Murphy. When the bottle was a little less than half gone, Raven decided she wasn't in the sharing mood. It made him smile in amusement as Raven got more hammered progressively through the night. He found out she was a lightweight, it only took her a couple swigs of whiskey until her eyes were glazed and her words slurred.

What he found he enjoyed more though was her apparent lack of a filter.

"Finn fucked me over, you know?" She stumbled around her tent, taking periodical sips of the nearly empty bottle in her hand.

"Did he now?" He spurred her on. He was still on the floor, not drunk, but pleasantly buzzed.

"Yeah, he did. He only waited 10 days to screw someone else. And you know what I have to say that?" She hiccupped. "Fuck him. And fuck Clarke for fucking him. And fuck everyone else who pretends like the fact that I wasn't here makes it okay. But you know what?" She raised up to bottle up to her lips.

"What?"

She opened her mouth to say something, but laughed instead. "I forgot."

Raven knelt on the ground next to him, and he instinctively inched away to put space between them. She didn't seem to notice.

"Do you think Clarke is prettier than me?" She pouted, her head resting on Octavia's cot.

"I think—"

"I mean her boobs are bigger" Raven interrupted him, looking thoughtfully into the roof of the tent. "Maybe if my boobs were as big as hers he wouldn't have left."

He wasn't exactly sure what to say to that, so he just stayed quiet. Probably better that way anyways.

"It's okay though. I would have left me too."

He watched her as she stood up on Octavia's cot. She tipped her head back and downed the rest of the contents of the bottle. With a flick of her wrist she tossed the bottle towards the entrance of the tent, shattering it into pieces.

"Oops" she laughed, and Murphy raised his eyebrows.

"Alright Raven, I think you should go to bed" He stood up from the ground with a grunt. "C'mon" He grabbed her by the waist and helped her down.

"No, don't touch me." She tried to wiggle away from him.

"It's bedtime Raven."

"Do you think Monty has moonshine? The night is still young." She started to exit the tent, glass crunching under boots.

"I think that's enough for one night" He turned her around by the shoulders, walking her to her bed.

Murphy sat her down on the edge of the bed, and slowly began unlacing her boots, all the while inwardly rolling his eyes at Raven's sounds of complaints.

"I don't want to go to bed" she whined.

"Sometimes we do things we don't want to do" He pushed her back and to his relief she started getting under the fur covers.

Once he was satisfied she wasn't going to get out of bed, he grabbed his knife from his boot and started to sweep the glass shards from the entry of the tent. He had no idea how she managed to drop the bottle in the exact place one of the rocks used to hold the tent upright was, but he just chalked it up to chance. He made sure all the pieces of glass were in a corner of the tent before putting his knife back in his boot.

He turned around to find Raven staring at him, eyes half-open.

"He was all I had. Now he's dead" she whispered.

Murphy watched as she turned onto her side, hands tucked underneath her head.

He heard mumbles of unintelligible words, and then silence. Her eyes drooped closed, and he took that as his cue to leave.


	6. Polarity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The turning point of Raven and Murphy.   
> Hope you like!

Murphy was eating lunch by himself when Abby took a seat in front of him. He looked up at her, a question in his eyes.

"I heard from someone that you had a concern." She whispered, leaning in.

He nodded, knowing exactly that that someone had been Bellamy.

"So what?" He crossed his arms on the table.

"Why don't you come by the med bay after you're done eating—I'll have a room set up for you."

There was a wariness in his eyes that Abby quickly caught and she shook her head softly, a small smile on her face.

"No one will know. Patient's confidentiality" She squeezed his hand once and walked away, a gesture that was so motherly that had him wincing without taking notice.

Raven sauntered over to him and sat down in the chair Abby had just vacated.

"What did Abby want?" She asked directly, giving him an odd look.

"Just wanted to check up on my leg later, make sure the gunshot wound is healing okay" he shrugged.

She narrowed her eyes briefly. "But you haven't even been limping"

"Guess I have you to thank for that" he shrugged again. "Actually, I should probably go ahead and see her. I'm on patrol in a little" He stood up and pushed his half empty bowl of rations towards the middle of the table. He left without saying goodbye.

Something was up with him. He seemed off. She was about to get up and follow him to the med bay when Octavia sat down at the table.

"When do you think we'll get some real food? These nutrition packet meals suck. What is this even supposed to be?" She looked in distaste at the mash of yellow and slab of something brown.

"Does Murphy seem weird to you today?" Raven asked.

A flash of surprise crossed Octavia's face, before she raised her eyebrows and started pushing the food around in her bowl.

"Yeah maybe, I mean he's not being a complete dick all the time"

"I'm serious" Raven rolled her eyes.

"I don't know. I don't really pay attention to him. I guess so? I mean, since when do you care about him anyways? He shot you" She waved the fork in the air before stabbing it into the slab of fake meat.

Raven sighed, thinking it was best to leave the conversation as it was right then. She wasn't about to explain her sudden interest in Murphy—not when she could barely explain it herself. She saw Bellamy hand over his gun to Major Byrne and the clockworks in her mind began spinning again.

"Hey, do you know if Abby called Bellamy in for a checkup?"

"A check-up for what?" Octavia asked, sliding the meat around her bowl in a mess of grease.

"The gunshot wounds"

"Pshh, no. Abby said they'll be fine as long as they clean them until they heal. She's had her hands full with trying to help the kids in the med bay recover bone marrow"

Murphy had lied, and for some reason it both surprised her and hurt her. He had lied to her. Sure they weren't friends but, they had never lied to each other.

Deceived—yes.

Attempted to murder—yes.

Shot—yes.

But not lied.

"Thanks O" She said, getting up from the table.

"For what?" Octavia gave her a weird look.

"Nothing" Raven smiled, "And you should stop playing with your food"

"God you sound like my brother" she grumbled as Raven left in the direction of the med bay.

She was determined to know why Murphy felt he had to lie, and curious as to what he was hiding from her. He'd already seen her at her worst and she wanted to know why she couldn't see him at his worst. She walked in quietly into the med bay, trying to make her awkward foot falls on the metal floor as silent as possible.

"Damn leg" she muttered under her breath.

Sneaking around had been easier before she got shot.

Her ears caught the sound of Abby's voice, which was coming from one of the patient rooms on the other side of medical. Most of those rooms were being occupied by the teens recovering from Mount Weather, but there were a couple that Abby kept vacant in case of emergencies. She heard the familiar tone of Murphy's voice, but she was still not near enough to make out what he was saying. As she inched her way slowly across the room, she heard him hiss in pain, and Abby's voice calming him down.

"It's good that you can feel pain." She heard Abby say.

The door was slightly ajar, and Raven opened it a little more to get a look at what was going on.

Murphy lay on his stomach on the bed, his clothes folded neatly on a chair by the wall. He had his arms crossed underneath his chin, his head tilted a little to look at Abby. A sheet covered his lower half. She had a balm on one hand, the other applying it gently to his back.

His back.

Her eyes took in every detail. She knew he had been tortured by the Grounders but this… She brought a hand up to her mouth. There were countless angry red puckered scars crisscrossed over one another, so many that she could barely tell how many there actually were. They enveloped his entire back, as high as his shoulder blades, stopping just above the curve of his backside. There were also circular scars dotted along his left shoulder, and she knew enough to know they were burn marks.

She opened the door all the way and stood in the entrance of the room, not taking her eyes off of him.

"Raven, what are you doing?" Abby scolded.

Murphy whipped his head around to look at her, a look of disbelief on his face, which quickly twisted into fury.

"Get out" He spat. Abby tugged the sheet over his back, shaking her head at Raven.

"John" she murmured.

"I said get out!" He yelled.

Abby turned her around by the shoulders, spouting off angrily at her about concerning herself with other people's business. She walked her all the way out of medical, until Raven shook her off and faced her.

"Is he going to be okay?"

"You should have waited for him to tell you." Abby blocked the entrance to medical, seeing as Raven was trying to get back inside.

"He was never going to tell me." Raven put her hands on her hips.

"Then maybe he didn't want you to know." Her face softened slightly "You should go back to the radio room."

"I'm sick of that stupid radio room" She replied angrily.

"Then find something else to do! But stay away from the med bay." Abby warned, turning on her heel to walk back inside.

She did end up going back to the radio room, but only because Wick and the rest of the engineers were working on a project for heating the tents and after about an hour of being sick of them giving her busy work to do, she noticed that they had no idea how to act around her.

She quickly realized she had been demoted from crippled mechanic to crippled mechanic with dead boyfriend baggage in their eyes—most of them anyways. Wick was always good have around. But even he couldn't sway the others into letting her have some real work.

So it was back to the radio room. Mount Weather had been silent since it was attacked, so she was literally listening to static. And that didn't distract her whatsoever from thinking about Murphy.

Frankly, she'd had better days than this one.

She wasn't sorry that she spied on him, but she was hurt that he felt she wasn't worthy of knowing just how much damage the Grounders did to him. At least that's the way she took it—she just wasn't worth telling. Maybe she and Murphy weren't as close as she'd thought they were.

That made her sad.

For past month he was the only one that didn't look at her like she was broken.

She thought about the anger that she had seen in his blue eyes when he was lying there, and she inwardly flinched.

There had to be a way to fix this.

Raven didn't see him at dinner, and after a mostly silent mealtime with Jasper and Monty (silence on her part anyways, Monty and Jasper were as vivid as always) she had gathered enough courage to do what she thought needed to be done.

She grabbed Bellamy by the arm when she saw him make his way to his tent.

"Hey, do you know where Murphy's tent is?"

He nodded "Yeah it's the very last one on the farthest row from the common area."

She thanked him, and made her way through the seemingly endless row of tents. The night air was brisk, and she pulled her jacket closer around her. Winter had practically already arrived, and the temperatures dropped sharply when the sun went down. She spotted a faint orange glow from the last tent and she was relieved that she was awake.

Standing outside his tent, she cleared her throat.

"Go away Raven"

Taking that as her cue, she walked into the tent, taking notice of a large hole in the roof that needed to be patched.

Actually, he just needed a better place to sleep.

There were multiple holes in the roof, some larger than others. He literally had no sort of furniture. There were some blankets on the floor, which he was currently lying on, and a bag on the other side. The light that illuminated the tent was just a small lamp. She shivered against her will. His tent felt colder than the outside.

"Can I help you?" He looked at as if she'd grown a third head "You know usually when someone says to go away they kind of mean it"

"Why don't you tell anyone about the state of your tent?" She put her finger through a hole.

"It's not as if I have visitors over all the time. Hey, stop that you're going to make it bigger" He sat up from the pile of blankets.

Raven knelt on the floor next to him, fingering the thin blankets.

"You're going to freeze when winter hits"

"Let me worry about that, okay?" He sighed. "Hey, can you stop touching everything?" He pulled her hand away.

He muttered something about her being nosy underneath his breath and she shot him a withering glare.

"What? It's true."

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked.

"About the tent? Because it's not a big deal, I'll patch it soon enough"

"That's not what I meant." She tucked her legs underneath her.

He fixed his stare into the blankets in front of him, zipping his jacket up and down unconsciously.

"Because it's not a big deal" He repeated.

She grabbed his chin with her hands, forcing him to look at her. Her brown eyes searched his blue ones. His eyes showed no emotional.

"It is a big deal. We're friends—"

"When did we decide we were friends?" He asked, jerking away from her touch.

"We are" She insisted.

He fell silent for a bit. He picked at his blankets with his fingers, and she waited for him to face her again.

"You shouldn't have had to see that"

"You don't have to be embarrassed" She touched his shoulder lightly.

"I am. Those scars remind me that I'm a monster. They're just as ugly as I am." He clenched his jaw "My dad would be so ashamed at who I am, who I've become"

She saw a tear roll down his eye, and methodically wiped it away.

"You're not a monster"

He scoffed and turned away his face away from her.

"And your scars aren't ugly. They're a part of you now. Like my brace." She smoothed his hair back.

Her touches were soft and without realizing he started to inch closer to her, turning his body to her. They knelt in front of each other, and without breaking eye contact, Raven slowly unzipped his jacket. She pushed it off his shoulders, fingers trailing over his shoulders, ghosting over his collarbone.

He sucked a breath through his teeth as her fingers crept underneath his shirt. They ran over the planes of his stomach. Her eyes never left his. He felt her tracing patterns over his abdomen, his muscles flexed underneath her hands. She raised them higher to caress his shoulders, and he instinctively raised his arms to make it easier for her to remove the shirt.

She tossed the garment to the side with his jacket. She asked him a silent question with her eyes, and he nodded slowly. She laid him down him a push of her hands. He licked his chapped lips instinctively as he saw her hovering above him.

Raven nudged him and he knew what she wanted him to do. He rolled over, exposing his marred back to her.

There were no gasps of surprise this time.

He felt her seat herself on the curve of his back, legs on either side of him. He laid his head on crossed arms, resting on his cheek.

Tentative fingers ran alongside the entire length of his spine, and he shivered underneath her. She hummed a quiet melody as she traced each and every one of his scars. There wasn't a spot on his back left untouched. Her fingers seemed to want to wipe away all the pain of everything he endured. Her nails scraped lightly against the burn marks, and his shoulders tensed. She felt it, and smoothed the discomfort away with the pads of her fingers. She put pressure on the middle of his back, where the scars where the faintest. In the center, around his spine where the scars were the angriest, he could barely feel her feather touches. Her humming lulled him to a calm place, and he relaxed underneath her.

She rolled off of him after that. The only sound that reverberated in their tent was their unsteady breathing. He shifted to lay on his back.

They rested on their backs, arms to their side almost stiffly. They stayed awake for a long time. Murphy covered them in his blankets when he realized he could see Raven's breath in the air.

There was a gap in the roof of the tent that allowed the night stars to be seen, something that they hadn't truly appreciated since they landed.

Stars were common in space.

They didn't speak, just laid there.

They must have fallen asleep sometime during the night. Next thing Raven knew it was morning, and they hadn't moved positions. The only difference was that their hands had gravitated towards each other, and their pinkies had intertwined.

Like magnets.


	7. Of Good days and Moving on

Raven sat up on Murphy's shoulders as she stretched her arms overhead. She squinted at the glaring sunlight that streamed through the hole she was currently trying to patch.

"Okay, move a little to your right" She said, her voice muffled as she tried to speak and hold the long needle between her teeth.

Murphy shuffled a few steps.

"No, no that's too far. Move back"

He complied, and she hummed in approval. He strengthened his grip slightly on her calves as she stretched her upper body higher.

They had been at this all morning. Raven had shown up minutes after breakfast ended with a long rolled up piece of tarp, a knife, needle, and twine and commanded him to hoist her up. He wasn't exactly sure when he started taking orders from her, but he wasn't going to complain when he would reap the benefits of said orders. Little by little, his tent was fixed. Murphy didn't ask where she got the materials to do so, but he was pretty sure she found them in the tech room. Whether or not she got permission to have them to do as she pleased—that he was unsure of.

He asked her before they began, and she had only rolled her eyes in response. If she didn't care, he wasn't going to push it.

Plus he knew she was in need of something to do. Still banished to the silent radio room, he knew her patience and sanity were hanging on mere threads. She had that engineer guy Wick on her side, but that was about it. Clarke and Bellamy had tried to help her out at first, but they had their hands full trying to uphold some sort of power in Camp Jaha. Abby had kept her Chancellor seat, a fact that Jaha was not thrilled about, but working at the med bay took up a lot of her time. Thus, Kane became her second in command, and while Clarke and Bellamy both had seats on the council, Kane didn't trust their decisions as much as they wanted.

"And that does it. Was that the last one?" Raven put her hands on her thighs.

"Yeah, I think so." He answered, and began lowering himself to the ground so that she could crawl off his shoulders.

She heaved herself onto the ground with a triumphant smile, not even deterred when her bad leg failed to cooperate and made her stumble. She spun slowly around the tent holding her arms wide open.

"Didn't I tell you?" She bragged.

"Yes, it's good as new." He smiles in amusement as she inspects the patches on the sides.

"This should keep the wind out, but we need to create some sort of heater in here for you. Most people are using small bonfires inside their tents for now, but we all know that's just another fire hazard"

"Aren't they working on that already?"

Raven made an indignant sound at the back of her throat.

"At the pace they're going, winter will be here before they build one heater"

"Didn't you already build one for your tent?" Murphy asked.

"Yeah, ages ago." She huffed "But they won't listen to me!"

He puts his hands on her shoulders and spun her around to face him.

"Then make them listen to you" He squeezed her shoulders and she sighed.

"I wish it was that simple." She watched him walk to his bedside and put on his jacket.

"It is." He ran a hand through his hair. "I have to report to Major Byrnes."

"Now?" She reached over to the metal crate she had brought over to him a few nights before and grabbed her own jacket from atop it.

"Yeah, I'm on hunting duty today."

"At least that's one thing Bellamy and Clarke have accomplished since becoming part of the council" She walked out of his tent with him.

He shot her that look that she had grown accustomed to—A cross between amusement and chastisement.

"I know, I know" She mumbled.

They passed by Monty on their walk, who after he furrowed his eyebrows slightly, returned her wave. Raven didn't notice, but Monty didn't take his eyes off of them as they rounded the corner.

Murphy did though.

It was something he was getting used to. People stared at them all the time. He was sure they made quite the sight—the girl with the leg brace and the boy that the 100 had banished. Gossip had spread faster since they got their people back from the Mountain men, as he expected since they were the ones who got to witness firsthand all of his mistakes. The people of the ark caught on quickly, however.

The other day he had heard a woman talk to her friend about the fact that "that mechanic girl with the brace had moved on from her ex's death rather fast". He had fisted his hands and taken a deep breath before walking away. There was no use letting his anger get the best of him. One wrong move could spell banishment for him once again, or one of the ark's infamous punishment techniques. Before, he had not had anything to lose.

These days, that statement didn't ring true.

"Alright so I'm gonna head to the tech room, see if they have some parts lying around I can use for that space heater. Catch you at dinner?" She said looking over her shoulder as they began walking in opposite directions.

"Yeah, see you then. And Raven? Thanks"

She gave him a thumbs up as she kept walking.

Once inside the tech room, Raven attacked the spare part bin. Pleasantly surprised to find the room empty, she went to work without distractions. She knew exactly what parts she needed.

Weeks ago she had engineered for herself a compact wood burning stove with simple parts. To make another one, she wouldn't even have to use the exact same parts, just ones that performed a similar task. She needed something to generate energy—something that got hot.

For hers, she had found an old burner in the radio room. She sighed happily when she found a small hot plate in the bin. It was missing the metal casing, but the device only needed minimal repair in order to work.

"Hey what are you up to, grease monkey?" Wick strolled in, tossing a towel on the table.

"Working—You know, that thing you guys haven't been letting me do?" She said exasperatedly.

Wick chuckled in response. "Then what you working on?"

"A space heater" she replied, unscrewing the bottom panel of the hot plate. "What you and your guys have been working on for weeks and not gotten done"

"You're using a hot plate?"

Raven could feel the gears turning in his head and smiled to herself.

"You've been trying to make a heater using electrical energy. Have you guys tried using natural resources?"

"You mean wood?" He leaned over the table.

"Yes, wood. Octavia and I have been toasty warm for the past weeks with my little heater"

"You already made one?" Wick laughed loudly now "I told the guys they were underestimating you. So who's the lucky recipient of this one?"

"A friend" she said.

"A friend huh?" He wigged his eyebrows at her "Or a friend?"

"Don't push it. I'm still mad at you" She pointed her screwdriver at him playfully.

"Nobody stays mad at me for too long, grease monkey"

"Call me grease monkey one more time and see what happens"

"Grease—"

Raven threw his towel at his face, laughing for the first time in what seemed like forever.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Murphy shut one eye as he zeroed in on a large boar. He waited until it walked into his line of fire and shot. The bullet went through the head and the creature fell onto its side.

"Nice shot."

He looked behind him to see Bellamy leaning on a tree.

"Thanks" He said, walking down the small hill to where his catch lay bleeding.

"Need a hand?" Bellamy asked, walking behind him.

"You're already here, aren't you? Might as well do something productive" He muttered, putting his pack on the ground. He searched through it briefly before taking out a net.

"You talk to Raven with that attitude?" Bellamy raised an eyebrow, helping his stretch the net out.

Murphy sighed. "So that's why you're really here?"

"Partly," he shrugged "But also to see if there's any truth in the gossip that's circulating"

"Well that depends on the gossip" Murphy grunted as they rolled the animal onto the net. "Are we talking about the one about me and her toasting about Finn's death over dinner, or the one about us fucking in the supply closet? Because neither one is true."

"Not the second one? Man, I was hoping. You need to get laid." Bellamy joked.

"Raven and I are just friends—if that."

They heaved as they picked up the net, each holding two ends of it together to keep the boar in. They began towing it in the direction of the camp, Murphy in the front and Bellamy in the back.

"Friends can lead to something if you let it."

"Now you're talking about you and Clarke"

He heard Bellamy's familiar chuckle.

"That obvious, huh?" he said, to which Murphy laughed.

"Oh, dude you've got it bad"

"Yeah, I do… But she needs time. Finn's death complicates things. She needs to grieve" Bellamy sighed.

"Finn has always complicated things" Murphy said bitterly. "Sometimes, I think I hate him."

"I didn't hate the guy, but I do hate the way he left things and I hate the position he put us in—the position he put Clarke in"

"Raven doesn't hate Clarke" he whispered after a long beat of silence.

"Yeah, I know" Bellamy tugged the end of the net higher on his shoulder.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was dinner time when Murphy and Raven saw each other next. Raven was already sitting down on a table, savoring the boar meat stew the kitchen had served. Her eyes rolled back as she ate the first spoon fool.

"That good huh?" Murphy sat across from her, smirking.

"So much better than the nutrition packets." She smiled.

"Well then you better thank me. One of those boars that they cooked was mine" He boasted.

"Really? Well then I guess you deserve this, huh?" She reached to the floor and put the square heater on the table, smiling widely when she noticed his expression.

"Wait? Already? No way, you mean I'm not gonna be freezing my ass off tonight?" He reached over to touch it. His eyes were wide with surprise, the blue irises standing out starkly in the dim lighting. He lifted it and looked all around it.

"Not tonight or any other night, as long as you remember to keep adding wood as it burns out."

"No ma'am, I won't forget." He put it aside and dug into his own stew.

"Wick finally took my advice too. They're letting me officially be back in the workshop tomorrow"

"About damn time"

"That's what I'm saying" she smiled crookedly.

"So I take it you had a good day?" He blew on his spoon before putting it into his mouth.

"Yeah" Raven nodded and smiled. "I had a really good day"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I love Raven/Murphy, I can't deny that her and Wick have chemistry. It just happened, I swear xD  
> Hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading/reviewing/kudos/bookmarks!
> 
> .xoxo


	8. Roommates

The temperatures had reached their peak low that night. The leaves had been falling from the trees all week, and the area surrounding Camp Jaha was quickly morphing from greens and yellows to reds and grays. The trees now were either barren and sickly looking or in gorgeous red bloom. Not that the beauty of it all mattered right at that moment, since Raven was trekking her way through the rows of tents in the middle of the goddamn night.

She had been woken up rather unpleasantly. Actually, that was the understatement of the year. She had been woken up the way no one ever wants to be woken up.

A very drunk Octavia and an equally wasted Lincoln had decided to go ahead and prove their love to one another on Octavia's cot—which would have been fine and none of her business if Raven hadn't already been sleeping in her own cot.

She had seen parts of Octavia and Lincoln that she should have never had to see.

So naturally she had high tailed it out of there as fast as she could. She had yelled at them and fastened her brace up faster than she'd ever had before, all the while trying to ignore the sounds and giggles coming from less than five feet from where she was. She had grabbed her boots and pulled her fur blanket around her shoulders and half-ran half-hopped her way out of there.

That's why she found herself at that moment, freezing her ass off in the little shorts and tank top she went to sleep in, boots half laced up, and only her blanket shielding her from the bitter wind.

At first her only conscious thought was to get away from her tent, and fast. It was only when she was directly outside Murphy's tent that she realized where she went. She wondered briefly when exactly he became the first person she turned to.

"John?" She rubbed her face, holding her blanket together with one hand "Are you up?"

She received no response, and she sucked in a quick breath before letting herself in his tent. He was sprawled on his new cot, a gift from Bellamy. His bare back was facing her, illuminated by the faint glow of the wood burning stove on the metal crate besides him.

"Murphy!" she hissed, and he groaned, rolling himself over to face her.

"Whoah" He said, his voice groggy from sleep. His eyes raked over her shamelessly, and she glared at him. "Is it my birthday, or is Monty's moonshine making me hallucinate?" Murphy yawned.

"If this is the kind of thing you hallucinate about, maybe I should have gone to someone else's tent to crash the night." She sat on the edge of his cot, and he pulled himself up on one arm.

"Hold on, you want to crash here?" He was definitely awake now. "What happened to your tent?"

"I've been sexiled. Or actually, I sexiled myself."

"What?"

"Octavia and Lincoln decided to do the dirty while I was inside as well."

"Do the dirty?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I'm tired, and I'm cranky, and I want you to scoot over." She said, taking off her boots and brace.

"Raven, this is a one person cot."

She pushed him with her hand, and he sighed, moving over a few inches.

"Is that as far as you can go?" She questioned, eyeing the sliver of space he vacated.

"If I go any further I'll roll off."

Raven removed the blanket from her shoulders and lay beside him. He covered her with his blankets and she tossed her fur covering over both of them. They both shifted until they were comfortable, the cot creaking underneath them as they moved.

It was an intimate position. Raven's back was molded against the hard planes of his chest, her hands tucked against her underneath their pile of blankets. His skin was warm, and he hissed when her cold legs intertwined themselves with his.

"You're warm" She whispered, and she rolled over to face him. Without looking for his reaction she burrowed her head into his neck, breathing him in. It was a scent that she had been growing more and more familiar with—a musky, woodsy, sweet smell.

Murphy wrapped his arms around her, his chin on the base of her head. He closed his eyes, content at the feel of her body tight against his. It wasn't hard to fall asleep.

The steady rise of his chest lulled Raven into a hazy state. She shifted slowly, as not to wake him, trying to minimize the creaking sounds of the cot as she did so. She laid her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

She felt safe—something she hadn't felt in a long time.

His arms pulled her tighter against him in his sleep, and she let herself relax in his arms.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey Murphy, have you seen—" Bellamy stormed inside the tent at what felt like the crack of dawn to both Raven and Murphy. He stopped in his tracks when he saw the very entangled pair, and bit back a laugh. "Guess you have" He smirked.

"Go away Bellamy" Murphy groaned "It's too early for this shit"

"I'm leaving. I'll tell Octavia you're more than alright Raven" He tossed them an amused look over his shoulder, shaking his head as he walked out.

"Well that's not good." Raven sat up.

"What do you mean?" He asked, wary that she already regretted spending the night with him.

"Wait for it." Raven muttered, counting down from three with her fingers.

As if on cue, Octavia's head peaked through the tent's flaps.

"Oh my god, Bell wasn't lying" She brought a hand through her mouth as she walked inside.

Raven ran her hands through her bedraggled hair. "O, I can't even look you in the eye right now" she said, and Murphy snickered behind her.

"What? Why?" Octavia walked inside the tent.

"Of course you wouldn't remember." She grumbled.

"Remember what?" Octavia sat on the edge of the cot, her expression annoyed.

"Okay there are seriously too many people on this thing right now" Murphy warned, seeing how the cot was dangerously dipping.

"You don't remember banging the brains out of your boyfriend with me less than five feet away?!" Raven exclaimed.

"Oh my gosh" Octavia covered her face in her hands "I am so sorry. I was so wasted last night. I checked for you though! I swear I walked in and patted your blankets and you weren't there."

"You must've imagined it"

"Or you were too deep in sleep and Octavia too drunk to tell the difference between an empty cot and an occupied one" Murphy offered.

"Okay, well the point is that I'm sorry you saw all that" Octavia said trying to mask her laughter. She stood up from the cot and Murphy inwardly sighed in relief.

"You don't sound very sorry to me" Raven countered.

Octavia stuck out her tongue at her, and left the tent.

"Don't be late for breakfast!" She called from outside.

"We won't" Raven reached down for her boots and brace.

"You're stopping by your tent before you go down for breakfast right?" Murphy scooted to the end of the cot to get off.

"Why?" She asked, keeping her eyes fixed on lacing up her boots, instead of on Murphy walking around his tent half-dressed.

Murphy tugged on his jeans and looked at her meaningfully. "You can't go like that obviously"

To be honest, Raven had no intention of going to breakfast in her sleepwear, but she was intrigued at how this conversation could go. So she played along.

"And why not? All the necessary parts are covered."

"Barely" he muttered. "Plus it's cold as space outside."

"What do you mean barely? These are a little thing called shorts! Girls used to wear them all the time."

"I've seen shorts—I'm not an idiot. Those are barely shorts." He tugged on his henley. "Tell you what—Octavia's loud mouth probably alerted half the camp to your being here. If you go out there, you know what that will look like? A walk of shame…So I'll go get you some clothes from your tent."

"Really John? A walk of shame? Do you think I care?" She finished lacing up her brace and leaned back to rest on her elbows.

"Oh you don't? Okay. Then I dare you to walk out of here in some of my clothes." He smirked, zipping up his jacket.

Raven scoffed at him, and laughed. "You are so on"

Murphy smiled and tossed her his spare shirt. "Clean, I promise."

She grabbed it from the air and held it against her body. Not too bad—It had long sleeves and it would probably reach a little above mid-thigh. She put it on and stood up, the shirt oversize on her small frame.

Murphy unzipped his jacket and put it around her shoulders.

"There. I think we're ready for breakfast."

"No hold on." She grabbed his arm and draped it across her shoulders. "Now we're ready"

He gave her a weird look, but didn't remove his arm.

"Go big or go home" she shrugged.

The walked outside and started to make their way to breakfast. Once there, Raven could feel everyone staring at them. She could also see Murphy smirking from her peripheral vision, and rolled her eyes. It's not like they had actually hooked up last night, but he could definitely sell it as if they had.

She saw Bellamy give him a subtle thumbs up, and she rolled her eyes for real this time.

"Don't let this give you a big head." She warned as they got in line for food. He let go of her and poked her in the shoulder.

"Why have a big head if you've got a big—"

"Not before breakfast, Murphy" She interrupted, wondering to herself what exactly had she just gotten herself into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading!


	9. Winter on the Weekend

"You know when you said you were gonna straddle me tonight, this is not what I had in mind."

Raven rolled her eyes, ignoring him. She was sitting on the curve of his ass, legs on either side of him as she applied the medicine for his scars. Abby had gone to visit her in the afternoon at the tech shop to bring her up to speed on Murphy's condition.

Basically, he wasn't putting on the balm Abby had given him to lessen the redness of his scars. To which Raven had replied by wiping her fingers on a towel and throwing it in her workspace before storming out to the front gate where he was on patrol. She had planned to yell at him for being such an idiot, but as she got closer, her anger simmered down a little and she was able to think clearly.

She knew Murphy. If she stomped down there and screamed in his face (which is exactly what she felt like doing), he would shut down, say nasty things back, and both of them would be pissed off for the next few days. She had to go about this the smart way, so she smiled pleasantly at an angry Major Byrnes as she passed by her, ignoring the questions the woman was firing at her. Murphy had turned around and met her halfway when he saw her head for his direction. Raven had pulled him by his biceps and whispered in his ear.

"Tonight— You, me. In your tent."

She had released her grip, leaving him slightly confused. She had watched in amusement as his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed and shook his head, ignoring the wiggling eyebrows of the other men on patrol.

"Technically, I never said anything about straddling you." Raven dipped her fingers in the open container of the balm.

"It was implied. I feel betrayed." Murphy said. "But since you're here, I have this knot right where your hand just was."

"Here?" Raven touched a tense spot on the top of his back near his shoulder.

"Yeah. Right there." He moaned, burying his face into his pillow.

She worked at the knot for a few minutes and then went back to applying the medicine to the rest of his back.

"It's really important that you put this on every night, John."

"Do I look like I can reach every spot on my back?" He replied, his voice muffled by the pillow.

"Then ask someone to do it." She rubbed her hands along the length of his back to wipe the remaining medicine off of her hands.

"I don't want to bother you every night." He said as she lifted herself from him and sat on the edge of the cot.

"Then ask Bellamy. We can alternate nights."

"You know how awkward that could be?" He pulled himself up and sat beside her.

"And this isn't?" Raven raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, no— You're the only one besides Dr. Griffin that has seen my back anyways." He bumped her with his shoulder. "And I was hoping for something a lot more intimate from you tonight, so this was not awkward." He laughed nervously.

"Yeah, sorry about that." She said, her face warm with embarrassment. "I could have probably got this to happen without baiting you with sex."

"Well you didn't specifically say we would, I just assumed. You had that face on."

"And what kind of face is that?" She laughed.

"I don't know, your eyes get like this look and your mouth—" He trailed off. "It's pretty hot."

She laughed again, this time loudly as she lightly slapped his arm. "Okay, that is my cue to call it a night."

Raven heaved herself out of the bed and Murphy followed. She grabbed her jacket from the bed and he helped her into it.

"So you think I'm pretty hot, huh?" She said as she stood in front of the tent's flap.

Murphy flushed, running a hand through his mop of hair. Raven's eyes did not miss the fact that his blush was spread over his bare chest as well, and she couldn't withhold the small smile that crept on her face.

He slowly walked closer to her, until she could feel the heat radiating from his bare skin on her collarbone.

"I think you," he cupped her chin with his hand, his thumb ghosting her lower lip "will be the death of me."

Her lips parted at the feel of his calloused finger, and she saw his eyes drift to them. He exhaled slowly, touching her forehead with his.

"It's getting late." He said quietly.

"Goodnight, John." Raven whispered back, starting to peel herself away from him.

He held her tightly by the waist, and without another word brought his lips to her forehead. She closed her eyes, a wave of forgotten sensations washing over her.

"Goodnight." He murmured against her forehead, and he backed away from her. He heard the swish of the flap of the tent, and he lay on his cot, throwing an arm over his eyes and thinking to himself when exactly he started kissing girls on their foreheads. He wasn't sure when Raven went from someone he felt pity for, to someone he genuinely cared about.

Raven, on the other hand, was wondering if what they were starting (because they'd be stupid to not know that something was starting) was alright. Sure, she had heard the rumors. People already thought they were together, and they had said some terrible things about her. Almost two months have passed since Finn's death, and while she feels his loss every day, it has gotten easier. She doesn't feel empty anymore, and while she knows Murphy played an important part in that, she also knows that since Finn's death she has finally had the time to focus on exactly who she was. When he was alive, even after they broke up, he felt like a limb of her body. He was a part of who she was, and since he's been gone, she's focused on who she wants to be, and not who she has to be for anyone. Finn needed to be needed.

Murphy doesn't need anyone, but he wants her, and that is an alien thought.

"Raven!" Clarke called as she stood up from where she sat at the foot of Raven's tent.

"Clarke… I'm having a really good night. I don't want to fight." She tries to go around her to go inside. She really just did not want to deal with her.

But the blonde blocked her path with her arms crossed.

"Raven, we need to talk."

"We don't need to do anything."

"I'm worried about you, okay? And I know that you hate me for what I did to Finn but—"

"I don't hate you, Clarke. I just… I can't look at you." Raven sighed. "I can't look at you because every time I do it reminds me of the lengths I would have gone to save Finn. It reminds me that you were stronger than me and did what I would never be brave enough to do. Every time I see you Clarke… I just…" She sucked in a deep breath.

"I just need time." She said, when her emotions were in check.

"You can have all the time you need. But Raven, you are not weak." Clarke gave her one more once over with her eyes and turned to walk away.

"Sometimes I wonder if Finn had loved me more, would he still be alive?" Raven looked at the ground.

"Finn made mistakes Raven." Clarke took in a deep breath, blinking away the tears in her eyes. "But loving you was not one of them. Falling for me was the mistake."

"You can't help who you fall for."

"No, but we can help who it turns us into."

The two girls stood in silence for a few minutes. The camp was getting quieter as people turned in for the night. Wordlessly, they walked to the empty tables in the common area. There were a few people still there, talking and drinking, but it was mostly silent. Raven sat at a table while Clarke fetched them a few cups and some moonshine.

"How are you dealing?" Raven asked as Clarke handed her a metal mug.

"Terribly. I can still hear him thanking me as I…" She trailed off and took a long sip from her moonshine.

"You've been spending a lot of time with Bellamy…"

"And you've been spending a lot of time with Murphy. What's your point?"

"Do you feel like it's too soon?" Raven took a swig from her own cup, wincing at the burning it caused in her throat.

"Sometimes… But I also know that things can change down here in the blink of an eye. We're at peace with the grounders now, but we know how tentative that peace is. And on top of that, everything down here is dangerous. You could die by accidentally stepping on a poisonous insect, or by eating the wrong thing. I'm still grieving, but I'm not going to stop living. I could be dead tomorrow, and I don't want to die with regrets." Clarke bit her lip. "I don't want Bellamy to feel like I'm running into his arms because Finn's gone, you know."

"I know." Raven fixed her gaze on the metal table.

"But every situation is different. You and Murphy?"

"We're not together." Raven said quickly.

"No, not yet. I don't understand it, I'm sure no one does" Clarke snorted softly, "But I've seen the way he looks at you."

"And what way is that?"

"Like if an atomic bomb landed right here like it did a hundred years ago, he'd spend his last microseconds just looking at you."

"It's unnerving really." Clarke continued. "It's almost as if he's not a psycho." She raised her hands in surrender when Raven glared at her. "Kidding."

"It's not funny Clarke. He has less blood on his hands than most of us. He's not a psycho… He's just…"

"Broken?" Clarke offered.

"Aren't we all though?"

"Yeah, we are. But only some of us are lucky enough to find someone willing to stop picking up their broken pieces to pick up yours instead. But that's love, right?" Clarke downed the rest of her moonshine.

"No, that's not love." Raven swished the contents in her cup around. "That's comfort."

Clarke wiped a tear that spilled onto her cheek, and nodded.

"What Finn did wasn't love Clarke. What you did was." Raven said, her voice cracking. "I'm sorry that I've let you deal with this by yourself."

"Raven…" Clarke sobbed.

Raven got up and sat on her side of the bench and held her. She listened to her heaving sobs, and finally let herself do what she hadn't done since the night Finn died. She cried along with her, her tears from her face onto Clarke's hair.

They cried until they both felt a hand on their shoulders. Raven pulled away to see a concerned Bellamy, who asked her if she was okay with a single glance. She nodded and he scooped Clarke gently into his arms.

"Do you want me to get—"

"No, no. It's fine. He's sleeping. Take care of Clarke, I'm going to go."

Bellamy nodded and Raven squeezed Clarke's hand, which she returned.

They walked in the direction of the quarters inside Mecha station, and Raven walked the opposite way into the rows of tents. She stopped outside her tent, drying her tears so that if Octavia was awake she wouldn't freak out. But she wasn't there.

So Raven left her tent and made her way to Murphy's. She didn't feel like being alone tonight.

Once she arrived, she didn't bother announcing herself. She just walked in, sat on the edge of the cot and removed her jacket, boots and brace. She unbuttoned her jeans and slid them down her legs as a creaking in the cot let her know Murphy was awake. He took one look at her face before sliding over a bit to make room for her. She cocooned herself in the space of his chest and breathed a sigh of relief as he wrapped his arms around her.


	10. Welding

Raven concentrated on welding the pipe overhead as Wick held on to the ladder she was balanced on. He had one hand on the edge of it and another on her bad leg, making sure it didn't move from its spot on the rung. She had insisted on welding the water pipes herself, and while usually Wick would have insisted she do something else, he gave in due to the circumstances.

A hunting party had left the camp five days prior. Ten men and women had set out to bring back more meat for them to store for winter. The winter that, despite all the preparations of moving as many people as possible inside Mecha station, still caught them by surprise. When the hunting party had left the air had been freezing, and they didn't think it would get any colder.

But it did.

The day they left was also the day that they saw their first snowfall.

The few children in camp had ran around outside, dropping to the ground and rolling in the white powder. The adults had smiled somewhat alarmingly at each other, and closed their meager coats tighter around their bodies.

Clarke and Octavia had gone to the Grounders, and when they returned they carried with them baskets of wool. A few grounder women had come back with them to camp to help them carry baskets, and they also had sat in the common area for a couple hours and taught anybody who wanted to learn how to knit the wool into winter clothing. Lexa had sent them as an apology for the misunderstanding at the beginning of their truce, to which Raven had shaken her head silently and narrowed her eyes. Clarke had given her a warning look, and Raven had sat down with a sigh and learned to knit with the rest of them.

They hadn't been worried about the hunting party until the next morning, when people realized two things.

The first and most obvious was that their people hadn't come back from the routine hunt.

And second, that the small crystal snowflakes had fluttered into a blizzard overnight.

Raven and Octavia had burrowed themselves into the same cot that night, piling both of their fur blankets on top of each other and making sure their heater had enough wood to burn for the whole night. They had wrapped themselves in each other, conserving body heat.

The winter was going to be much harsher than they had expected.

The next morning, Raven and Octavia had had to kick their way out of their tent, which had been half buried during the night. It had been clumsy and Octavia cursed as snow piled inside. Together they had waded through the thigh high level of snow, their teeth chattering as they arrived at the med bay to speak to Abby.

Fourteen people had lost their lives that night.

That's when the preparations for moving everyone inside Mecha had shifted into high gear. Before the blizzard, only about forty-five percent of their people were living inside. In the course of those five days, that percentage had increased to seventy-five. They had had to clear out a lot of debris in the sections that had been blocked out, and those who did not have families were bunking four in a room.

Kicking out of her tent had been difficult, so Raven was within that thirty-percent that had been moved. She now shared a room with Octavia, and two girls she didn't know very well. One was Mel, the girl Bellamy rescued from the Factory station and the other was Caia, an orphan from Hydra.

As the day had progressed, everyone was getting antsier about the hunting party's return. The weather was harsh, so going out to look for them was a liability that Abby was not going to take. Clarke had screamed and yelled and threatened to go out herself to look for them, but Abby didn't budge. In the end, Clarke had crumpled on the table and rubbed her face.

Bellamy and Jasper were on that hunting party.

So was Murphy.

To say that Raven was worried would be an understatement. Clarke was bordering on hysterical, and Octavia was not helping her. They were freaking out together, and while Octavia turned to Lincoln to calm her, Clarke had resorted to frantic knitting. The girl probably had knit five whole scarves in the last few days. Between knitting and devoting herself to the med bay, Raven doubted Clarke had been sleeping.

To be fair, Raven hadn't been doing much of that either. She had thrown herself into her work, deciding that what they needed to survive the winter (besides central heating, which Sinclair was in charge of) was indoor plumbing. Mecha station of course was equipped for it, but the pipes had taken a beating in landing and they hadn't gotten around to fixing them yet. If you wanted a shower you took a bucket with you to the communal showers, but despite Abby and Clarke's insistence of hygiene, no one had felt like taking a lukewarm shower in the cold weather.

So that's why Raven was standing on a ladder, headgear in place as she welded the broken pipes together, the sound of the torch almost drowning out her thoughts about Murphy… Almost.

Every now and then an image of Murphy laying somewhere out in the woods, his lips blue from the cold and body unmoving would flash into her head. But she had gotten really good at denial, so she just told herself that they had found a really big herd of deer and they were taking their sweet time hauling it all back home. Or that they had found a hot spring along the way and those assholes were out there relaxing and not having a care in the world.

Those bastards.

Raven turned the torch off and flipped up her helmet.

"That looks good, right?" she asked Wick, who tightened his grip on her brace as she leaned back to look at him.

"Yeah, that should hold. Let's go to the source, Sinclair said that the crash made a mess of the central pipes."

"Great." Raven muttered as she started stepping down from the ladder, Wick guiding her bad leg.

They started walking towards where the pipes met in the far wall, and Wick cleared his throat.

"So,your friend—"

"He's fine." Raven interjected. "They'll be back soon."

She quickened her pace, leaning heavily on her right hip. The last few days' exertions had left her left leg sore, and even with the brace she limped more than usual.

Wick wisely let the subject drop, and he helped her remove the protective covering over the pipes.

"Shit." He whispered as they saw the mess.

The knobs that controlled hot and cold water had broken off, and various pipes had large chunks missing. If they turned on the system hot steam would most definitely escape, and water would never get to the shower room.

"We're going to have to melt some plates onto it." Raven said, measuring the gaps with her fingers.

"Scrap pile?" Wick offered.

"Yeah, let's head there now." She stumbled and Wick grabbed her by the waist.

"Maybe we should take a break, grease monkey."

"Breaks are for the weak. C'mon we have work to do." She limped ahead, hearing his sigh behind her.

Once they were in the tech room, she pulled up a stool and sat on it while she sifted through a pile of extra parts. Wick sat across from her, and whenever they found something that they could spare being melted down, they threw it into the center of the table.

Wick had tried easing the tension in the room with some wit, but Raven had snapped at him and demanded silence so she could concentrate. She was as high-strung as a badly tuned guitar at this point, and for her sake he hoped that boy walked through the gates sooner rather than never.

His prayers might have been answered as he saw her pretty roommate Octavia burst into the room, catching her breath.

"They're back!" She said, her breath visible in the air.

"Oh my God." Raven launched herself out the door, tightening the scarf around her neck.

They walked briskly towards the open gate, though the swirling snow made it barely visible. Raven squinted, trying to make out the five… no six… seven figures trudging in the snow. Octavia held her by the shoulder as they braved the heavy winds. There weren't a lot of people outside, and with good reason. Raven closed her wool cape closer about her.

The first figure she saw was Jasper, who looked as if he could fall at any second. Octavia ran over to him, and with the help of another soldier on patrol they carried him inside. Close behind was Miller's dad and another woman. Clarke ran to the gate, and stood next to Raven as more hunters were escorted to the med bay.

She felt as if a piece of shrapnel had been removed from her gut when she saw the shapes of Bellamy and Murphy making their way to the gate. They moved slowly, their arms around their shoulders to support each other. When they got close enough to see both her and Clarke standing there, they separated. Clarke ran to Bellamy, who unlike the last time she had run to him all those months ago, was prepared for her. She jumped into his arms and, though he staggered backwards, he made sure he didn't drop her.

Raven made eye contact with Murphy and he slowly walked up to her. He had his arms tucked underneath his armpits, his lips slightly blue and cheeks red with what she believed was frostbite. She was torn between wanting to hit him for taking so long in coming back and wrapping her arms around him because she was glad he was alive.

She did both, or tried to. She raised her hand to hit him and he caught her wrist in the air, using it to bring her closer to him. Her forehead touched his and his eyes, even more piercing blue in this weather, bore themselves into her brown irises. He drank her in with his eyes like a starving man.

Their lips were a whisper away and she parted hers in anticipation.

"I'm fucking freezing." Murphy stuttered, his lips so close to hers she felt them move as he talked.

His eyes began to droop closed and Raven grabbed him by his thin jacket. He lazily put an arm around her and she struggled to get him into the med bay. Luckily, a guard came and lifted him off of her, and she just trailed behind them.

Inside the med bay, Abby was telling the guards were to put them. She directed the guard that was helping Murphy into one of the rooms in the back.

"Get his clothes off, Raven. Here are some spare clothes." Abby handed her a stack of clothing, and moved on to receive the next person.

Raven shut the door behind her.

"You heard her, clothes off." She said to Murphy. She unzipped his jacket, the inner lining almost frozen stiff.

"Goddamn…" She whispered as she felt the wet fabric of his shirt.

She tossed the jacket aside and a shivering Murphy lifted his arms to help her take his shirt off. He looked down at his chest as breathed a sigh of relief.

"What?" she asked.

"I honestly thought my nipples had frozen and fallen off." He rubbed his arms for heat.

Raven snorted a humorless laugh before reaching to unzip his pants.

"This is not how I pictured this." He muttered, teeth chattering.

"I'm sure it wasn't." She tugged his jeans down his legs, Murphy lifting himself a little from the bed to make it easier for her. He stopped her hands when they grabbed the waistband of his boxers.

"I think I can do this part."

"Okay, then do it." She backed away.

"Turn around Raven, I'm not going to give you a free show." He blew into his hands.

She rolled her eyes, but did as he asked. Murphy slipped his boxers off, hyperaware of the girl in the room, and while in other circumstances that would have… Excited him, right now he was just glad that his junk hadn't frozen and fallen off. Definitely not the first look he wanted Raven to get of him, and goddamn it what the hell were these little shorts?

"What the fuck is this? Underwear for twelve year olds?" He said under his breath, and Raven peeked at him from her shoulder.

"Hey!" He covered himself with the boxer briefs, and while he might have sounded intimidating had he not been so cold, his voice hitched at the end and she tried to mask her laugh.

"Next time you change, I'll make sure to watch you do it too." He stuttered angrily and put the boxer briefs on.

"Can you pass me the pants?" He looked over his shoulder at her.

She handed him the pair of sweatpants and he hopped into them. As he was tying them at the waist, she closed the distance between them.

She laid her head against his bare chest, and Murphy shivered at her warmth. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, his chin on the crown of her head.

"Don't ever do that to me again." She mumbled against his chest.

"Not planning on it." He sighed in pleasure as she rubbed his back. She tilted her face to look up at him.

"Your lips are still blue." She touched them with tentative fingers.

"I'm not a doctor, but I might have a remedy for that." He said slowly. He swallowed, nervous as he brought his face closer to hers.

Abby opened the door slightly peering in, and they jumped, separating.

"Raven, he's frostbitten. That's not the kind of warming up he needs." She scolded and walked away, leaving the door open.

"She's right." Raven reached over for the sweatshirt on the bed and handed it to him. He pulled it over his head. She could see he was annoyed, but Dr. Griffin was right.

Murphy said nothing as he put the thick wool socks on his feet. Raven left the room and asked Abby what she needed to do next.

"His feet should be fine, the boots seemed to have protected most of them. Check his hands, and I think I saw some burns on his cheeks." She handed her a small bucket with steaming water. "Careful, it's pretty hot. Just dab at towel in here and literally thaw his face."

Raven walked back to see Murphy laying down on the bed. She closed the door behind her and pulled up a chair next to him. She dipped a hand cloth into the hot water and dabbed at his cheeks. He winced at the feel of the hot water but she held his face down gently, smoothing back his hair.

"What the heck happened out there anyways? You were gone for five days."

"We wandered a bit farther than intended. There wasn't much to hunt in our regular areas. Now I know it's because the animals knew the blizzard was coming. Then we got lost in the cold. Everything looks the same out there."

"We got buried in the snow that night, that's when we lost Grayson."

"His wife died that first night here too." Raven said, eyeing the blisters on his fingertips.

"Then maybe it was for the best. May they meet again." He said, turning his face slightly so that she could better reach the other half of his face.

"How are you feeling?" She tugged a blanket up his body with her free hand.

"Getting warmer. My lips are still cold though." He smirked.

Raven rolled her eyes. "Now I know you'll live through this." She put down the hand cloth when the redness in his cheek died down a little. She touched his cheekbones.

"Does that hurt?"

"Feels like pins and needles— My hands too." He flexed his hands underneath the blanket.

"That's good." She grabbed his hands, rubbing some warmth into them.

"You know, there are other ways to get warm." He offered.

"You almost died from hypothermia."

"Then help me get my temperature back up." He reached for her, but she moved out of the way.

"How is he doing?" Abby popped her head back in the room, a mug in her hands.

"I'm pretty sure he'll live." Raven said putting the bucket of hot water on a nearby table.

"Here's some tea." Abby handed the mug to Murphy. "It'll help warm you up."

"I'd prefer some body heat." He grumbled to Raven's chagrin.

Abby smiled amusedly. "Yeah, he'll be okay."

As soon as she left the room, Murphy took a sip from the mug, ignoring the scolding looks from Raven.

"God, this is disgusting." He made a face as he laid the mug on the table.

"John…" She warned.

He dangled his legs off the side of the bed, sitting upright to face her as she stood across from him his arms crossed.

"What? Was it something I said?" He shrugged.

"You can't just say stuff like that!"

"Why? I was being honest."

"What goes on between us is private."

"Nothing has gone on." He retorted.

"Not yet!" She blurted out, and he smirked. She made to turn away, but he reached over and grabbed her by the wrist pulling her to him. She stood between his legs, looking up at him.

"Now is not the time for this." She sighed.

"It's bound to happen eventually. Let's just get it over with."

Raven scoffed. "Because that's what every girl wants to hear. Let's just get it over with."

"Shut up and kiss me." He said, fisting his hand in her hair and pulling her to him.

He pressed his chapped lips against hers, and the feel of them was so Murphy – firm, insistent, and at the same time so vulnerable—and she opened her lips slightly to have more of him. He claimed her lower lip, his hand intertwining itself in her long hair as he pulled her closer.

It was a foreign feeling for so many reasons. She was the one that always took control, always the initiator. Yet here she was, melting in his arms and the only thing he had done was kiss her.

And keep kissing her.

She gasped for breath as they separated momentarily before he hungrily dove back in for more. She ran her hands up his sweatshirt, his body contracting underneath her fingers. Wanting to have a little control, she slipped her tongue into his mouth, satisfied when she heard him groan. Unexpectedly, he held on to her waist as he laid on the bed, taking her with him.

His lips began to draw a path down her neck, taking the scarf off of her neck and flinging it onto the floor. He stopped at her collarbone, sucking on her skin.

"John." She said breathily.

He made a noncommittal sound at the back of his throat, and she angled her neck a little to give him better access. He bit down softly and she moaned quietly. She knew that he had just marked her, but she couldn't care less at the moment. She wanted his mouth back on hers. This time she made sure to take charge, sucking on his bottom lip. His breathing hitched as she moved to his neck, and she smiled against his skin.

"We're going to be doing this a lot more now." He said, his voice slightly strained as she sucked on his neck, giving him the same mark he gave her.

She laughed, the vibrations of it coursing through his body.

"I'm so serious, though." He groaned.

"Are you warm enough, now?" She sat up, legs on either side of him.

"I'm scalding." He said leaning up to grab her chin in his hands and crash his lips to hers again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh! It happened. Hopefully you guys all liked it. Thank you all for reading/reviewing/bookmarks/kudos!


	11. Deja Vu

Murphy dipped his head down, brushing his lips softy against the hollow of Raven's throat. She hummed in approval and he took that a sign to continue, gently draping her legs over his lap. She scooted closer towards him on the bed, fingers digging themselves into his hair. His fingers brushed the exposed skin of her hip, lifting her threadbare shirt higher on her body. They had both shed their jackets and she had ridded him of his shirt the moment they had reached the bed.

If he had learned anything in the past week about Raven it was that she was just as impatient physically as she was in day to day things.

Granted they hadn't had sex yet, but he knew that that had to do more with the absolute lack of privacy in their room situations and less about her wanting to take it slow. The hell with slow, the woman was going to kill him. They hadn't slept together, but it wasn't for lack of trying. One of their roommates was always in their bunks, and their tents were frozen solid at this point. The weather had just been getting colder and colder and snow fell heavier and heavier. He knew they had expected a harsh winter, but this was getting ridiculous. He was ready to move out of Mecha Station.

Maybe then they could have some time to themselves.

The other day he was walking to the communal bathrooms to have a hot shower after coming in from his patrol (the shifts were shorter now because of the cold, but still necessary, after all they weren't sure what animals the winter could have brought) when he felt someone drag him into a nearby closet. His response had been to grab the knife from his boot and put it against the neck of his attacker, but his grip on his weapon slackened when he saw Raven looking at him with heavy lidded eyes. He had immediately dropped his knife, because fuck when she looked at him like that…

But they realized soon enough that while Mecha station's central heating system was working, supply closets were irrationally cold and there was nothing more romantic than a rubbing her up against a broom blindly in the dark.

They got lucky sometimes though, like right now when Raven had knocked on his door and conveniently all his three roommates were not in. Bellamy was somewhere with Clarke, and the other two guys whose names he cared very little to remember were doing whatever it was they did at this time of the day.

He dug his thumbs into her hips, his lips forming a trail from the juncture of her throat up to her mouth, capturing her bottom lip with his teeth, biting down a little harder than he meant to, but Raven didn't seem to mind. Her hands held his face in place, and she sucked on his lip with equal force. His hands wandered up her taut stomach, brushing the underside of her bra. Raven grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it off. She pulled him on top of her by his shoulders, her kisses hungrier. His eyes appraised her briefly, kissing down the valley of her breasts as her breath hitched.

His ears picked up on the faint noise of the door opening and he quickly shielded her from the intruder's views, groaning at being interrupted once again.

"Really, Bellamy? You have fantastic timing." Raven muttered from underneath Murphy.

"Sorry, I just have to grab something." He walked in the room, smirking to himself. "Don't let me bother you guys, besides, it's nothing I haven't seen before." He grabbed a satchel besides his bed.

Murphy felt Raven tense underneath him, and he looked at Bellamy suspiciously. Bellamy had stayed true to his words and left quickly, but the mood was gone. Murphy lifted himself from her and sat on the bed, his back to the wall. Raven grabbed her shirt and pulled it over her head with a sigh.

"Well that was a mood killer." She said burrowing herself into his chest.

He draped an arm over her out of habit, but his head was still reeling with what Bellamy had just said.

"Raven," he started. "This might seem like a stupid thing to ask, but have you slept with Bellamy?"

She stiffened in his arms, and he knew the answer.

"Well… Fuck." He took a deep breath.

"It was before." She replied.

"Obviously."

She hit him lightly in his chest, narrowing her eyes at his ease.

"You're not angry? I was scared to tell you. I had been meaning to, though."

"Angry? Nah." His lips frowned as he shook his head. "Worried? Maybe a little bit." He admitted.

"Worried?" She snorted.

"Isn't Bellamy like the sex god around here? That sets the bar pretty high." He joked.

"And you weren't worried when you thought it was just Finn?"

"No, of course not." He looked at her as if she was crazy for asking that.

"Of course not? What does that mean?" She draped her legs over his, his hands stroking her calf through her brace.

"Having known Finn, I'm guessing everything was pretty vanilla." He said, and she raised her eyebrows. "And you, darling, are anything but." He kissed her lightly.

"Darling?" She smiled against his lips.

His face flushed as he shrugged.

"Wick gave you a nickname. Why can't I?"

Raven laughed. "There it is. I knew you were gonna bring it up."

"I mean, grease monkey? Really?" He shook his head.

She grabbed his chin and tilted his face down to hers, giving him a soft, lingering kiss.

"He might have a nickname for me, but you're the only one I kiss like that." She whispered against his lips.

"I better fucking be." He growled, moving to crush his lips to hers, but she laid a finger across them to stop him.

"Your roommates should be coming in any minute. Dinner just finished." She motioned to the digital clock above the door. It read 7:30 and he closed his eyes in annoyance. He kissed the finger still on his lips and leaned back.

"Besides, I have something to give you." Raven bent over the bed, Murphy holding on to her legs so she didn't tumble off.

"You do?" He asked, surprised.

"Yep." She grabbed her bag from where she had thrown it earlier, opening the top flap and reaching in. She withdrew an off-white scarf, which she presented to him with a proud smile. Her grin faltered as she saw his face fall. He masked his disappointment with a polite smile, but it was too late.

"You hate it." She groaned. "I knew I should have dyed the wool. Clarke was talking about—"

"No, Raven I don't hate it. I just don't like scarves." He said slowly.

"Are you kidding me?" Raven huffed, shaking her head. "It's freezing as space outside and just last week you almost died from hypothermia, need I remind you. And you're telling me you won't wear it because you don't like scarves?"

"I didn't say I wouldn't wear it." Murphy reasoned.

"And tell me, if not around your neck, how the hell would you wear it?"

"I don't know… I'll wrap it around my head… Like a turban." He shrugged, trying to hide a smirk he knew would make her even angrier.

"Oh my gosh. I can't deal with you right now." She raised herself from the bed, leaning to avoid hitting her head on the top bunk.

"Raven." Murphy reached for her, but she snatched her hand away.

"You are out there for hours in the cold, one would think that you would appreciate a gift like that. You see my fingers?" She raised her hands in the air. "Do you know how many times I pricked myself with those stupid knitting needles? I was so careful not to get my blood on your scarf. Do you have any idea how long I spent on that stupid thing?"

"Raven, calm down." Murphy scooted the edge of the bed.

"I am calm!" She yelled, putting a hand to her forehead.

"Look, I love the scarf. I love it because you made it—"

"Shut up, Murphy." She grabbed her bag from the floor and turned towards the door.

"Will you just listen to me?" He bolted from the bed to block the door.

"Look, I get it, okay? Next time I have any inclination to do something nice for you, I'll just remember that you won't like it." She pushed him away with her shoulder and left the room.

He grabbed his shirt from the floor and crumpled it into a ball, throwing it into his bed in frustration. He sat down and balanced his elbows on his knees, his body leaning forward as his hands rubbed his face.

"Hey man, you doing okay? Your girl walked out of here looking pissed." One of his roommates said entering the room. His name escaped him at the moment, and the tone of his voice grated in his ears.

"Whatever you did man, you better set right. A pretty girl like that can be snatched up quickly, handicap and all." The blonde guy threw his bag of toiletries up to his bunk above Bellamy's.

Murphy saw red.

He pushed him up against the wall, his forearm at the guy's throat. He put enough pressure so that it wouldn't be comfortable, but not too much so that he suffocated. Blondie grasped blindly at his arm, and Murphy banged him against the wall.

"Handicap?" He sputtered, breathing heavily with anger. "Say that one more time and see what happens. C'mon. Say it."

Blondie shook his head frantically side to side, fear clear in his eyes.

Murphy released him, the guy grabbing his throat as soon as Murphy's forearm left it.

"If you ever say something like that again, I'll kill you. If you so much look at my girl, I'll kill you. And believe me when I say I can make it look like an accident." He wiped his mouth, backing away.

"What the hell is going on here?" Bellamy stalked inside the room, eyeing the two guys warily.

"Idiot said something he shouldn't have." Murphy pulled on his crumpled white shirt, glaring at Blondie who had stayed in the corner of the room.

"Rhys?" Bellamy turned to him, a question in his eyes.

The blonde eyes were wide open and his mouth bobbed as he thought of something to say.

"It's cool, Bellamy. I already had a man-to-man conversation with him." Murphy smirked at Rhys's fear. "I think he gets it."

"I-I gotta go." Rhys stuttered before bolting out the door.

"What did you do?" Bellamy asked, crossing his arms.

"He called Raven handicapped." Murphy ran a hand through his mop of hair.

Bellamy shrugged. "So, you've heard people call her worse things."

"He just said it at the wrong time."

Murphy told him about the scarf situation while holding said scarf in his hands. She had left it on the floor when she left, and he had picked it up while talking to him. His fingers played with the soft wool as he explained himself to Bellamy.

"Why didn't you just tell her?" he asked.

"She didn't let me. And you know Raven. I gotta let her stew away her anger before trying to talk to her. I swear, she broods more than me."

"Match made in heaven, huh?" Bellamy chuckled.

"You can say that again."

They were interrupted by sharp knocking on their door. Bellamy asked him a question with his eyes, eyebrows pulled together, to which Murphy responded with a shrug. Bellamy pulled the door open to see Marcus Kane at their doorway, a team of guards behind him.

"John Murphy, you have been accused of threatening a member of our community. Under the laws set forth by the Exodus charter, this is an act of treason, punishable by shock lashing. Everything you say or do may be used against you in a court of law." Kane said barging in and tying Murphy's wrists behind his back.

"I object, Marcus. His actions were justified." Bellamy said.

"A jury will have to decide that during his trial, Councilor Blake." The man responded gruffly, tugging Murphy in front of him, who couldn't believe that the blonde coward had run to the councilman the first chance he got.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Raven slammed the door open to her bunk, startling a sleeping Octavia. She jerked awake, scrunching her eyebrows as she took in the sight of a very furious Raven pacing around the room.

"You look peachy." She rubbed the sleep from her eyes, stifling a yawn.

"Murphy's an idiot." Raven muttered angrily.

"Well, I could have told you that."

Raven flashed her eyes at her, and Octavia sat up from her top bunk, hands up in surrender.

"Okay, I'll bite. What did Murphy do?"

"You know that scarf I knit him?"

"Uh-huh." Octavia nodded.

"He didn't like it."

"I told you! You should've knitted him a hat."

"You're not helping, O." Raven sat down on her bed, stretching out her bad leg on the mattress.

She heard Octavia climb down from her spot above her. The brunette sat cross-legged on the floor in front of Raven's bunk.

"C'mon Raven. Think. Why wouldn't Murphy like the scarf?" she asked, as if the answer was obvious.

"Because he's an idiot who likes to see me angry because it turns him on." Raven replied arching her eyebrows.

"I'm not even going to comment on that." Octavia shook her head. "Raven, where do people wear scarves?"

"On their necks." Raven said slowly, and then inwardly groaned as she realized what Octavia was getting at. "He doesn't like it because he doesn't like the feeling of things wrapped around his neck. It reminds him of when he was hung… Of course. I'm the idiot." Raven put her face in her hands.

"Just go talk it out with him." Octavia offered. "He can't stay mad at you for too long."

"You're right. I'm going to go right now." Raven stood up from her bunk and walked to the door. "Thanks, O." She said from the half-open door.

She started to make her way down the corridor in the direction of Murphy's bunk, but a sudden influx of guards intercepted her. Kane was at the rear of them, and her breath caught when she saw him tugging a tied up Murphy.

"What the hell is going on?" She demanded.

"It would be in your best interests if you would step aside, Miss Reyes." Kane sighed.

"Not until someone tells me what is going on." She crossed her arms over chest stubbornly, glaring at the councilor.

"Miss Reyes what you are doing right now could be considered an obstruction of justice, I would be careful if I were you."

"Raven, find Bellamy." Murphy said, and a guard jostled him to keep him quiet.

She made a move towards him but Murphy shook his head as a warning. Resigned, she stepped to the side letting them through. Murphy turned back to look at her.

"I'm okay." He mouthed.

Raven saw them leading him out of the corridor and she put her hands to her head, digging her fingers in her hair. Bellamy caught side of her as he emerged from the other side. Raven took heavy heaving breaths trying to calm herself down.

"What's going on?" She asked shakily as she saw him.

"He's being charged with treason."

"Treason?!" She braced herself against the wall, inhaling and exhaling steadily.

"He threatened our roommate." Bellamy reached for her, making sure she didn't fall to the floor. It wouldn't be the first time he caught her.

"Why?" She asked, her eyebrows kneaded together.

"Over you." Bellamy said quietly.

"Oh my gosh." She repeated over and over. "Oh my gosh. They're going to kill him."

"They're not going to kill him, Raven. If he is found guilty at the trial, they will give him a shock lashing though." He said carefully, keeping a strong grip on her arm as she took in his words.

"But they won't kill him. I will make sure of that." Bellamy rubbed her back soothingly but she flinched away from him.

"That's what you guys said about Finn." She spat, wrenching her arm away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay! I started writing this Friday night to see if I could have it posted up by Sunday, but something felt off. I ended up rewriting the last half over the course of this week. It took longer than usual because I just started my spring semester in college on Monday, so the amount of free time I have to dedicate to this piece is a lot less than it was over winter break. I'm not abandoning the story though. I'll try my best to update once a week, but if it's a little longer than that, I apologize. I'm a journalism major/creative writing minor, so I do a lot of writing during school. Unfortunately, fanfiction is going to have to take a step back so I have enough time to work on my news stories and original fiction. Bear with me though, I don't plan to leave this story unfinished!
> 
> .xoxo


	12. Trials and Imsomnia

Bellamy and Clarke sat across from each other inside the common room. Though the blizzard had lessened over the course of the week, being outside was still not ideal. They looked across the table at each other with grim expressions. Clarke took a deep breath and buried her face in her hands.

"It's not looking good, is it?" She said only loud enough for Bellamy to hear.

"Not at all—I heard talk of increasing the number of lashes he'll get." Bellamy leaned forward on the table, placing his elbows on it.

"Does Raven know?"

Bellamy shook his head. "Not yet."

"We're going have to tell Raven eventually."

"Tell me what?" Raven asked, dragging a chair to their table. The legs scraped against the metal floor and Bellamy winced at the sound.

Clarke met his guarded gaze, and he nodded slightly. She sighed.

"That bad, huh?" Raven said quietly, twisting a stray napkin on the table.

"They've practically already convicted him." Bellamy told her. "The trial is scheduled for tomorrow but… The jury is pretty much set on what they'll say."

"It's unanimous." Clarke stilled Raven's hand before she could shred the napkin into smaller pieces.

"Your mom?" Raven asked.

"Being the Chancellor means that under the Exodus charter, she must automatically perform the duties of a judge."

"Under the Exodus charter," Raven snorted. "I'm beginning to hate those words…How bad could his sentence be?"

"We're talking about ten lashes—that's what the jury has been whispering about."

Raven visibly winced, remembering Abby's lashing a few months back. Her mind conjured up an image of Murphy being dragged in front of the snow covered gates. He's shirtless, his scars for the whole crowd of spectators to gape at. The skin of his body is prickled in result of the below zero temperatures. She imagines Major Byrne making a snarky comment about the electricity warming him up as she ties his wrists to each post. His body is slumped, resigned. But his eyes are smoldering with blinding hate as Kane approaches with the electroshock baton.

"You don't have to be there if you don't want." Bellamy said, pulling her out of her head.

She didn't say anything.

After a while, she nodded slowly, looking up at both of them.

"I need to be there."  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Murphy hugged his arms tighter about his body as the cold crept up his bones. To conserve heat for the rest of Mecha Station, they housed prisoners in an area with minimal heating. He had spent hours running over in his head the fact that things hadn't changed as much as he initially believed. In the Ark, there were times where they had prisoners on half-air. Here on Earth air was plentiful, but heat wasn't—hence the lack of warmth in his metal jail cell. And he was still a prisoner awaiting his trial.

He really had thought things had changed.

Shame on him though right? Isn't that what they used to say before the bombs? Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me?

His teeth chattered as he watched the visible swirl of air that left his lips with each exhale. They had given him a moth eaten blanket at the beginning of his detainment, but he didn't have his jacket with him. He was still dressed in the loose sweatpants and thin white shirt he had on when Kane brought him in. His eyes glanced at the cup of water that had been given to him earlier in the day. The metal of the cup was frosty, and despite his thirst, he knew drinking ice cold water would not benefit him in conserving what little body heat was keeping him from getting hypothermia.

It was the bitter truth. They kept this section of Mecha just warm enough so that no one died before their trial, but cold enough for the chill to make you extremely uncomfortable.

Murphy heard the door open, and he craned his neck to see who it was. The grim looking guard that usually brought his meals walked in with Bellamy in tow. He sighed out of relief when he realized Bellamy had come alone.

"You have ten minutes." The guard said, turning on his heel after escorting Bellamy to the front of the cell.

Bellamy nodded once before looking at Murphy. His eyes took in the state of the cell which definitely looked worse than the last time he visited him.

"Yeah, I know it's not much. I would've cleaned up a bit but I've been chilling." Murphy said bitterly, standing up from the lone chair next to the bare cot.

Bellamy gave him a bored look at his pun, bringing his hands up to his face to breath hot air into them.

"Jesus, it's freezing in here." He muttered.

"My trial's tomorrow." Murphy gripped the steel bars as he got closer to him. "What's the forecast?"

"Not good." Bellamy whispered back.

Murphy took in this bit of information before nodding in acceptance.

"Raven?" he asked tentatively.

"Upset. She doesn't understand why you don't want to see her."

"You know why." He gestured around him. "She'd freak out if she saw this. The last thing I need is for her to get arrested for attacking a guard, or going after Kane."

Bellamy nodded. "Think you can survive the night? Temperatures are going to drop again."

"I've survived worse than a little chill."

"It's not just a chill, Murphy. Lincoln said there's going to be another blizzard tonight." Bellamy shrugged out of his jacket, and Murphy backed away from the bars.

"I don't take handouts." He said.

"I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for Raven." Bellamy held the jacket through the bars.

Murphy stared at him for a minute, glancing from his face to the jacket he was extending. He sighed in resignation as he reached for the leather garment.

"Thanks." He pulled the jacket on, already feeling ten degrees warmer with the extra article of clothing and the leftover heat it carried from Bellamy.

"Don't mention it. Think about tomorrow—concentrate on keeping calm. Let me do the defending. I'm not going to sugarcoat it and make you believe they'll drop the charges, but I will say that I'm pretty confident I can lower the sentence."

Murphy nodded in response, sitting back down as the guard appeared to take Bellamy away. He noticed that the guard's eyes lingered for a moment on the jacket he was sporting, but he didn't say anything.

"He knows." A voice sounded from a few cells away.

Murphy rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair, tilting it dangerously on its hind legs.

"Knows what?" he asked exasperated.

"About the storm." Jaha answered. His voice was always calm – too calm for Murphy's liking, but he hadn't exactly had prime choices for companionship over the last week.

"Well joy to the world, he let me keep the jacket. What a saint." Murphy snorted.

"I'm sure your girlfriend will appreciate it."

His words made Murphy pause. Girlfriend… It seemed too mundane of a title for her. Angst-filled 12-year-olds on the Ark called each other's crushes boyfriend and girlfriend. Grounders called pairings mates. What did he call them?

He didn't know. All he knew was that she was his, and he was hers, and no title could ever concise it better than that.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Raven rubbed at her face, trying to disregard the sandpaper feel of her eyelids as she blinked. Dark circles lined her eyes, beacons for everyone to know that she hadn't slept well in the week of Murphy's imprisonment. She hated giving them the gratification of pitying her.

"Poor girl, first the Collins kid is sacrificed. Now her boyfriend is on trial." She heard a woman say, loudly whispering to her friend as they stood by the wall.

"If you ask me, she moved on a little too fast." The other responded.

Raven had to clench her hands into fists as she walked briskly by them in the hall. She knew people talked about her relationship with Murphy, and it didn't faze her—but something about the tone of those women had ingrained itself into her brain like a tumor.

Had they rushed things?

Maybe if she would have stayed away from him he wouldn't be in the position he was now.

She felt guilty. He had felt the need to stand up for her, and he didn't have to. She had surely been called worse than handicap in the past. The thing was that that was who Murphy was. He was either all in or not at all, there was no middle ground. He either cared with his whole soul, or he didn't at all. It was one of those things she had slowly found out about him; it was something not a lot of people knew.

It was one of the things she liked about his best.

There was no trace of doubt in her that when he looked at her, he was only seeing her—not someone else. It felt nice.

She ran into Clarke on the way to the council room where the trial would take place in a few minutes. Clarke nodded silently at her and they continued their walk together. Things between them had been rocky to say the least, but since their heart-to-heart things had smoothed a great deal. Finn's death was still a smudge in her heart, but in order to move forward with Murphy, she knew she had to begin by forgiving her. It was a slow process, but it was happening.

"He'll be fine. Bellamy is going to make sure of that." Clarke said.

"I hope you're right." Raven whispered as they entered the double doors of the council room.

There were a few chairs nearest to the doors that had been set up for witnesses and whoever else wanted to watch the trial—which counting the number of activities they had to pass the winter, the number of people wanting to see the trial was surprisingly low. She had expected more people to come with all the gossip that she had heard.

She sat one of the empty chairs as Clarke crossed the room and took her place in the council table. Abby walked in with Kane hot at her heels, his hands locked behind his back authoritatively. The rest of the members of the council took their chairs, leaving a seat open for Bellamy who had yet to walk in.

She heard the doors open behind her, a guard entering the room while jostling Murphy inside. His hands were zip-tied behind him as he was pushed to the center of the room, just in front of the table. Bellamy walked in a moment later, giving Clarke a slight nod as he stood beside Murphy.

The people that had been appointed as the jury settled into their seats on the other side of the room. The jury was comprised of eight people, all adults from different surviving stations. The door opened once again and that blabbermouth Rhys walked inside with a guard. He stood beside Murphy at the front of the table. She saw Murphy give him a seething death glare—that probably isn't helping his case.

Abby cleared her throat to get everyone's attention.

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Calling the case of the People of the Ark versus John Murphy; Are both sides ready?"

"Ready for the People, Chancellor." Kane said, standing up from his chair and walking to Rhys' side.

"Ready for the defense, Chancellor." Bellamy called from his spot by Murphy.

Abby nodded to a woman from Hydra station that formed part of the council.

"Would you please swear in the jury?"

The woman did as she was told, and Raven watched the jury rise and repeat the words that the councilor was saying. She scoffed softly at the hypocrisy of it all. Here they were, swearing to judge fairly, when she knew clearly that they had already made a decision, and that was that Murphy was guilty and should receive maximum consequence.

She saw as a guard walked to the center of the room.

"Chancellor and people of the jury: the man standing before you, John Murphy has been accused of treason on grounds regarding the safety of the people of the Ark. He betrayed one of the conditions for his previous pardoning of crimes, some of which include murder, by threatening Rhys H. Rotter's life. The defendant allegedly tried to strangle Rotter, who claims the cause of this exchange was some misunderstood words between them in their bunk."

Raven scoffed loudly and rolled her eyes, and Clarke gave her a stern look from across the room. The trial seemed to drone on. It was truly boring, even if she was scared the whole time for his wellbeing. The words exchanged seemed to drag on and on, and the entire trial seemed more pointless than before. Is this how they used to do things before the bombs went off? She felt bad for the people that used to do this for a living.

She was brought to attention abruptly though when Bellamy interrupted Kane in the middle of his sentence on how Murphy was a threat to society (bullshit).

"Okay, enough of this dancing around the subject." Bellamy said loudly, a note of perceptible anger in his voice. "Yes, Murphy threatened the guy."

Raven's eyes widened. No what are you doing?! She thought.

"Yes, Murphy almost choked him." Bellamy continued as Clarke shook her head visibly side to side to get him to stop talking.

"But Murphy did not commit treason, and this whole trial shit is stupid. I think he should receive four weeks of work detail. That ought to teach him a lesson. Are we done?" he crossed his arms.

"Thanks a lot, man." Murphy muttered, thinking to himself that he was sure going to get the shock lashing of his life at this point.

"Great. I agree." Abby groaned, getting up from her chair.

"Abby, what are you doing?" Kane questioned.

"Going to go take care of bigger problems—next time Mr. Rotter decides it's okay to demean others and get away with it, John Murphy is going to be the least of his problems."

"Abby, this is a trial. You're not doing things properly. Under the Exodus charter—"

"I don't care what the Exodus charter says. Court is dismissed. Release John Murphy, would you Kane?" She walked away, leaving through the doors in the back.

Raven's mouth was open in shock, as was Bellamy's. Apparently he hadn't thought his stunt would have worked. Idiot.

Kane cut the ties from Murphy's wrist, his face stony. Murphy rubbed his wrists where the plastic had dug into his skin uncomfortably. He looked up in time to brace himself to catch Raven, who had made her way to him and launched herself into his arms.

He stumbled backwards, holding on to her thighs to support her. She wrapped them tighter about him as she pressed her lips to his.

A week had been too long.

He kissed her back ardently, smiling against her lips as she dug her fingers into his hair.

Someone cleared their throat, and they broke apart to see Clarke and Bellamy leaning lazily into each other. Bellamy had his arm wrapped around Clarke, resting on her hip. Murphy set Raven down softly, a blush spreading to his neck.

"Are you blushing, Murphy?" Bellamy smirked. He opened his mouth to add something else, but Raven smacked him hard on his chest, knocking the breath out of him.

"You idiot! You scared me half to death! Don't ever do anything like that again." She scolded.

Murphy bit back a laugh, still surprised at how things turned out. He grabbed Raven's hand and pulled her back to him as she continued to lecture Bellamy. He pressed a soft kiss to her hair.

Four weeks in work detail would suck, but seeing Raven lit up like a comet across the night sky sent him reeling into a place of pure content where he didn't care what he had to do, if he got to see her like this every day.

John Murphy was falling in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for the continued support! You guys are awesome.   
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter, I wasn't 100% happy with it, but an update was long overdue.  
> .xoxo


	13. Peppermint and Vanilla

John Murphy was in love with Raven Reyes and it was absolutely the worst thing that had ever happened to him.

He couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat, he couldn't even keep a stupid smile from seeping into his lips while he pushed dust around with his broom… Just someone saying her name was enough for him to crane his neck around the room to look for her.

It was pathetic, really.

Sometimes, he swore he could feel her—could feel the moment she walked within fifty feet of him. He couldn't describe it in rationally. The hairs at the back of his neck would stand and he just knew. He had started to say this to Bellamy a few nights before, but decided to keep it to himself because once he opened his mouth Bellamy would think that either:

A. He was crazy.

Or

B. He was crazy in love.

And it wasn't that he was ashamed of loving Raven, he actually considered himself a lucky son-of-a-bitch, but he wasn't ready for people to know. He hadn't even told her.

He would though, eventually. He'd cave in at some point or another and blurt it out.

Murphy had just clocked out of his work detail, and after a grueling 12-hour day, he was exhausted. They had him cleaning the north part of Mecha station that day, the unused portion that Abby wanted to start clearing of debris and loose wiring. He had spent six of those hours stuck between two narrow panels trying to dig deeper inside.

It was a good thing he wasn't claustrophobic.

He could hear the faraway voices of people entering the dining hall for supper, but even though there was a gnawing feeling in his stomach, he was willing to postpone eating for a quick shower. There was a layer of grime on him that he was dying to scrub out, not to mention that he smelled like something out of Raven's toolbox.

He was about to open the door to his bunk, when the hairs at the back of his neck stood up, and he turned instinctively to look at Raven who was slowly making her way to him.

"Haven't seen you all day." She said, throwing her arms around him gently and kissing him.

"I'm sorry." He said, smiling against her lips. "That must have been very hard for you."

"You have no idea." She wiped a smudge from his cheekbone, and he started to untangle himself from her.

"I'm going to shower before dinner. Meet you there?" He opened the door to his bunk.

"Why don't you eat first?" She frowned.

He shook his head. "I reek."

"You don't smell that bad." She leaned against the wall besides the door.

He laughed softly, thinking back to how he compared his smell to her toolbox.

"I won't be long." He kissed her lightly before going inside his room to grab his bag of toiletries and a change of clothes.

He heard her sigh loudly and walk away. Her footfalls on the metal floor were slightly more uneven than usual, and he could see her in his head favoring her good leg more than normally. Guilt seeped through him momentarily, and he tried to shake it away. But it didn't disappear—it never did.

There wasn't a day that didn't pass that he didn't see how the universe had spun him shooting her on him. Her leg was a constant reminder of darker days, of a darker part of him that he'd managed to keep under wraps. She was a walking example of what happened when he let that part of him out.

And the only reason she was walking anyways was because Abby was great at what she did.

He owed her his entire happiness at the moment. Raven would have never looked at him twice if she had been paralyzed entirely, or if she had bled out.

He wouldn't have looked at her either. He thanked any and every God that things turned out the way they did and that it led them to the place they were now. If he could change anything though, he wouldn't have to think twice about what it would be.

Murphy wouldn't have fired that gun.

He made his way to the communal showers, scanning his keycard on the door. The Council had reinstated the rations system this week, and that encompassed everything from food to bathing water. They said they would increase rations once winter was over, and they could safely utilize more of Earth's resources.

Murphy pulled the curtain closed behind him in one of the shower stalls. He undressed quickly and hissed when the hot water touched his body. The engineers had rigged a large water heater a few weeks ago, and it had been pure bliss since then.

He closed his eyes as the water poured over him, cleansing away the dirt and sweat that caked his body. He let himself appreciate the calm for a moment, before reaching over to the bar of soap that he had brought with him to the shower. Monty had learned from a few women in Tondc how to make them with herbs and animal fats. They even had a few scents to pick from, all of which were strong. Just walking besides someone, people could instantly pick out what kind of soap they used.

Raven liked the peppermint one.

He liked to run his nose along the crook of her neck after she showered, peppering kisses as he went along— which was exactly what he felt like doing at the moment.

He finished scrubbing himself off, the scent of vanilla drifting into his nose. Raven used to tease him about it and say that he smelled like a sultry woman, but it wasn't like they had a vast variety of smells to choose from. He shut her up when he showed her just how manly he could be.

Murphy was whistling to himself as he stepped out of the shower, the water cutting off mere seconds afterward. Five minutes, in and out, and everyone had pretty much had it down to an art. You had to, if you didn't want to leave the shower still lathered in soap.

He dried his hair with his towel before wrapping it around his waist. The sound of the curtain being pulled aside behind him startled him, and he whipped around, poised to hit the bastard that was playing a prank on him.

Instead, Raven stood there with a finger to her lips, her eyes glinting with mischief.

"Raven, how'd you get in here?" He whispered, not entirely displeased with the situation. He smiled as he pulled her to him.

"I snuck in behind someone as they came in. I was kind of hoping to catch you in the shower." She mock pouted.

"That's incredibly inappropriate." He said lightly biting her lower lip.

"So what are you going to do about it?" She said pulling her face away.

He hoisted her up by her thighs, groaning when she tightened them around his waist, and pushed her gently against the stall. Her brace's buckles dug into the skin around his hip, but he couldn't care less. Murphy kissed down her neck hungrily, inhaling that peppermint scent that he loved on her. Her hands entangled themselves in his hair, pulling when his teeth nipped a particularly sensitive spot.

He bit softly, and a breathy cry emanated from her.

"I'd say you're wearing far too many clothes." His hot breath warmed her ear, and she shivered despite the heat coming from him.

"We should even up the field." She kissed him hard, their mouths battling for dominance.

He started to tug her shirt upwards, teasing the exposed skin of her midriff. Her muscles jumped underneath his hand, and he grinned against her lips. She lifted her arms to help him take off her long-sleeved shirt, stifling a laugh when they almost lost their balance and fell. He shushed her with an equally-big smile on his face, his eyes glinting as they washed over her.

She claimed his mouth again, cupping his face with both hands as he reached behind her for the clasp of her bra. He fumbled for a few seconds, until she sighed with faux-annoyance and took it off herself.

"Hey, I wanted to do that part." He sucked on a pulse point at the side of her neck.

She rubbed her body against his, and he shuddered at the feel of her bare chest against his. She threw her head back as he bit down, easing the slight pain with a swipe of his tongue. Raven breathed his name, and he couldn't help the swell of pride that rushed through him at the thought that he was the one making her feel this way.

They barely heard the soft knocking on the stall, but they couldn't ignore the voice that followed.

"Okay, lovebirds. Time's up." Wick said from outside the stall.

Raven groaned, this time out of real annoyance, and pulled away from Murphy.

"Wick, you have terrible timing." She said.

Murphy looked at her with a puzzled expression, and she tapped his shoulders lightly, indicating for him to put her down. He did so with an aggravated look, pushing back his hair and trying not to stare as she picked up her bra from where she had tossed it on the ground. She pulled her shirt over her head, and peeked her head outside the stall.

"Do I have to?"

"Hey, my five minute 'shower' is over." Wick gave her a pointed look. "You owe me."

"Wait, he let you in?" Murphy asked from behind her.

"Did you even shower, Wick? You still smell." Raven joked.

"I had to shower to drown out the sounds you and your man were making."

Murphy smirked despite himself, slipping on his boxers and jeans.

Raven rolled her eyes, but she still flushed.

"Okay, I'm coming. Give me a sec." She closed the stall and turned her attention back to Murphy, who was pulling his henley over his head.

"You know, once that new section you're clearing is done, I'm top of the list to get my own bunk." She wrapped her arms languidly around his neck.

"Really?" he said, scrunching his eyebrows. "Why? I mean, I'm not complaining but…"

"I work with dangerous weapons." She shrugged, and kissed him lightly. "It only makes sense."

"Well, in that case. I'll work extra hard."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the really long wait! Hopefully you guys are still interested in this ship (even though I know it's kind of sinking at this point, but oh well, I'm on the Titanic and I will go down with this ship lol)
> 
> We're in the last stretch of the story, guys! Only one more chapter and a short epilogue and this fic is done. 
> 
> But I might be planning for a six-part modern au Murven ship in the future, so if you liked this one... lol
> 
> You guys are awesome!  
> .xoxo


	14. As You Wish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Chapter is rated M for a mild lemon.

Murphy tucked the ends of the white scarf into his fur-lined jacket. He pulled at the loops of fabric that were wrapped tightly against his neck, bringing them to cover the lower half of his face, ending just below his nose.

Raven had got her way in the end.

He was wearing the damn scarf.

He felt like an idiot for making such a big deal of it from the start, he could have easily avoided the month of grueling work detail. They had finally cleared the final part of Mecha, but he had been discharged before they were finished rewiring it back into the rest of the station, making sure that the water pipes and heating were working properly before assigning people to new bunks.

Raven was at the top of the list for the room reassignment. Her erratic hours at the tech shop and her need to take her work home periodically made her a less than ideal roommate. Octavia insisted that she didn't mind, but her other two roommates were glad to see her go.

Murphy just wanted to finally have time alone with her.

They had decided he would move in with her from the start—there had been no conversation on the topic, they just assumed that it was what they would do. After all, before the winter kicked in, they were practically living together in his tent. Raven had been sleeping in his tent most nights.

He couldn't deny that he missed her curled body against his at night, the way she pressed her good leg against his for warmth.

"You're a furnace." She had told him one night, mumbling into his shoulder.

He chuckled at the memory, earning a weird look from Bellamy. They were high up on the new guard posts, the wind biting at their exposed skin.

Bellamy tucked his gloved hands underneath his arms, the hood of his jacket covered in snowflakes as he shuffled his feet.

"It's fucking cold." His voice was muffled, his mouth covered by a wool scarf.

They looked pretty identical as they stood on the guard post.

Both were covered from head to toe in leather and furs, their heads covered by both a knitted beanie and the hoods of the new military-grade jackets the last scavenging party had found. They had lined the jackets with various furs from different animals, a technique they learned from Lexa's people.

"What did you expect?" Murphy snorted. "It's been fucking cold for months."

Bellamy rolled his eyes, pulled down his scarf, and took a swig from a leather flask in his jacket pocket. He held it out to Murphy, who accepted it and did the same.

"Monty's moonshine never fails." Bellamy said, smirking at Murphy's slight wince.

"This batch is stronger—tastes like battery acid." Murphy shook his head at the aftertaste of the liquor and handed him back his flask.

He saw the initials on the edge of the leather, and it was his turn to smirk.

"C+B, huh?"

"Shut up." Bellamy tucked the flask back inside his jacket.

"No way, you tease me about Raven all the time. It's my turn."

"That's because I never imagined you as being whipped." Bellamy challenged.

"Me? Whipped?" Murphy threw his head back and laughed. "You obviously haven't looked in the mirror recently."

"What are you talking about?" Bellamy crossed his arms in front of his chest, causally widening his stance.

"Clarke, have you eaten? Clarke, you need to sleep. Clarke, wear my coat, it's warmer." Murphy imitated.

"Are you going to get on me about hovering, too?"

"You know Clarke can take care of herself."

"Doesn't mean I can't take care of her too." Bellamy said.

"True." Murphy replied, rubbing his deerskin gloves for warmth. "But our girls don't exactly need to be taken care of."

"Our girls, huh?" Bellamy smiled. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing that… Do you love her?"

Murphy remained quiet for a long time. The wind picked up, nipping at their cheeks.

"Yeah… I do." He said at last. "But I just want her to be happy, especially after everything that's happened."

"You must beat yourself up about it all the time."

"I can't help it. Every time I look at her, I just want to take it all back, you know? And I can't. What's done is done." He sighed.

"She forgives you." Bellamy laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Raven is amazing." He said staring off into the tree line. "As long as she wants me, I'll be there. But if she ever decides that she doesn't want me, then I'll leave. Like I said, I just want her to be happy."

"That's love, isn't it?" Bellamy replied, taking another swig from his flask and offering it again to Murphy

"But we loved with a love that was more than love." Murphy wiped his mouth after his drink. "I and my Annabel Lee."

* * *

Raven looked at the mess of parts on her work table. She had gotten her hands on an old car engine, and had pieced it apart trying to figure out how it worked. Various scavenging groups had found cars on their outings, and after a bit of persuasion, she was able to convince Miller to bring her back one of the engines. They had dragged it through three miles of heavy snow on a cart just for her.

She had promised them that once she figured out how they worked, they could start trying to bring the machines back to life.

Wick whistled from the other side of the workroom, an obnoxious tune that Raven didn't have the heart to call him out on. Besides, he was pretty much one of the few engineers she could stand. He carried a tray of chemicals in various beakers to the sink, looking briefly at the array of parts in front of her.

"Damn, grease monkey…. Are you going to be able to put that back together?" He said as he dumped the content of a beaker into the sink.

"Wick, I helped put together a radio from odd parts in a room full of angry, hormone-driven teenagers. I think I can handle this."

"You always have a comeback, don't you?" he laughed.

"Maybe if you were actually funny once in a while, I wouldn't." she smirked.

"There you go again." He stood with his back against the sink, wolfish grin in place. "I'd say Murphy is being a bad influence on you, but we both know you're the bigger smart-ass of the two. The difference is that he has a better sense of humor."

Raven made a face at him and threw a grease stained rag his way.

"Well that's a new one. Never heard anybody say Murphy has a great sense of humor."

They both looked to the direction of the doorway, spotting Jasper. He smiled tentatively, hand supporting the rifle slung over his back.

"Jasper," Raven wiped her hands on a rag, using the table for support as she stood up. "Hey, haven't seen you in a while. How are you?"

He shrugged. "I'm fine—been on patrol a lot. I can't sleep so, I take the night watch most nights."

Raven nodded wordlessly. Jasper had been affected more than anyone after the events of Mount Weather. They hadn't taken bone marrow from him, but until they came to get their people out, Jasper was pretty much the reason they stayed alive. But he lost a lot in the process. Raven had heard of Maya, but knew that now wouldn't be the moment to ask how he was feeling about her death. It hadn't been painless, and it would haunt him for the rest of his life.

Raven understood how he felt. She had gone through something similar with Finn.

"I brought you something." Jasper dangled a keycard in front of him, and she smiled in earnest.

"Already?" She reached up to take it from him, her heart thudding in her chest.

"You were at the top of the list."

"I have to tell John." She made to go around Jasper, but he blocked the doorway.

Jasper looked at Wick, who nodded in response. Jasper sidestepped to let him out the door while Raven stared at him with her hands on her hips.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"I just want to make sure you're okay." Jasper said leading her gently by the arm to her work station. They sat on stools in the same side of the table, facing each other.

"And why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you know… I heard from Octavia that you're moving in with Murphy."

"Your point?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Raven, don't get defensive. I'm not saying it's a bad thing and that you shouldn't do it." He sighed. "I just want to understand."

Raven placed her hand on top of Jasper's. "Look, Jas. I appreciate your concern, but you really have nothing to worry about. Forget about who John was before. He's not that person anymore. None of us are who we were when we came to the ground."

"That's true."

"He and I have something really good going on, and I haven't…" She trailed off, staring at a drop of grease on the table.

"He shot you Raven… How do you go back from that?"

"You don't." She stared at him squarely. "You go forward. There's nothing he can do, or I can do, or anybody can do to fix it. Jasper, it  _eats_  at him the fact that he hurt me permanently, and it doesn't matter that I forgave him a long time ago, because he's never going to forgive himself."

"Have you really forgiven him? Be honest." Jasper shifted in the stool, propping an arm on the work table.

Raven looked across the room, and took a deep breath. "Yes. I have." The corners of her lips twitched upwards slightly, and she turned to Jasper fully. "I think I love him… Is that crazy?"

Jasper nodded slowly, before giving her a small smile. "Maybe a little."

She lightly punched his arm, and Jasper heaved himself off the stool, walking towards the door. He stopped just before it, turning half his body so that he was looking at her over his shoulder.

"If he hurts you, I'll kill him." He said, and Raven rolled her eyes.

"I'd kill him first." She said. Jasper laughed softly, and left the room.

Raven eyed the key in front of her, and grabbed it off the table, clutching it in her hands like a lifeline.

And it was.

It finally felt like a beginning.

* * *

Raven asked for permission to leave her detail earlier in order for her to move her stuff into her new bunk, and thankfully it was granted to her. She knew Murphy still had a few hours of patrol, and she wanted to make their new place ready for them.

_Their place._

The thought gave her goose bumps, and she had a quick flash of Murphy hovering above her, his lips whispering over hers. Her face warmed, and the fluttering in her stomach augmented.

She was nervous. It was one thing to jump each other's bones when they knew they wouldn't go all the way, but that wouldn't be the case this time. They would have  _all_   _night._

They had a lot of lost time to make up for.

She smiled to herself as she folded the few changes of clothes she owned into a metal crate. She didn't have many belongings, so packing was easy. She double-checked her bed and her drawers, even knelt down awkwardly to look under her bed. There was nothing underneath, and satisfied, she used the bed for support as she stood up.

The door behind her opened, and Raven turned her head to see Octavia. She eyed the crate on the bed, and smirked at Raven, an eyebrow raised.

"Eager, huh?"

"Very." Raven laughed.

Octavia closed the distance between them and hugged her. "I'm going to miss you, roomie."

"Hey, I'm not going anywhere. I'm just going to sleep somewhere else."

"Or  _not_  sleep." Octavia wiggled her eyebrows, giggling when Raven shot her an exasperated look. "What? It's true. Don't act like all you and Murphy are going to be doing is innocent. In fact, I have a theory—"

"And that's my cue to go." Raven pulled away and went to pick up her crate.

"I'm serious!"

"I know, that's why I'm leaving." She laughed as she stood in the doorway, the door kept open by her hip.

"I want details—all of them." Octavia sat down on Raven's old bed, giving her a pointed look.

"No way." Raven scoffed.

"Yes way, and I will pull them out of you if I have to."

"We'll see." Raven let the door fall closed, shaking her head and smiling.

* * *

Murphy blew hot air into his gloved hands, glancing at the other patrol guards that were coming to relieve Bellamy and him for the day. It had been a dull day, nothing but white for miles. They spotted a herd of deer that scrambled away a few yards away from the gate, and made a mental note to track them the following day when a hunting party was set to leave.

They climbed down from the guard post, boots making an imprint on the fresh snow.

Bellamy cursed at the new layer, and Murphy grunted in accordance.

It seemed like winter had been going on forever. The memory of green leaves and pleasant temperatures seemed almost like a dream, as if they'd imagined it. They had studied seasons during Earth skills, but reading about them and experiencing them were two different things. Murphy knew spring would come eventually, but he just wished it would hurry its ass up. Snow was quickly climbing up in ranking of things he hated.

"Murphy, got a message for you." Miller said, approaching them.

"Yeah?" Murphy handed his gun over to him, receiving a key in return.

"You've been reassigned to a different bunk."

"I wouldn't also have a female roommate, by any chance? Perhaps a certain brunette? One that likes to fiddle with dangerous chemicals and metals?" He asked, his lips formed in a half smile.

"If by that you mean Raven, then yes." Miller rolled his eyes.

Bellamy slapped his back, wolf-whistling, and Murphy side-stepped from him in order to avoid further teasing.

"Where is it?" he asked Miller.

"Section M-14."

Murphy nodded, jogging his memory back to when he was on the detail that cleared that section.

"Well, if you guys will excuse me. I have to go check out my new bunk." he said, heading inside.

"We'll save you both a spot at dinner." Bellamy called out to him.

"Don't bother. I think we'll be ordering in." Murphy smirked to himself, trying to ignore the warmth that had implanted itself deep in the pit of his stomach.

* * *

He wavered just outside the door. Should he knock? Or use his key? Would she be inside already?

Maybe she's still working.

He felt stupid, poised outside his new bunk with an uncertain fist in the air, a metal crate on his hip, ready to knock, as he rocked back and forth on his heels. He took a deep breath, and rapped his fist against the heavy metal door.

Murphy heard the door click open, and smiled when he saw Raven. She returned his grin, opening the door further and motioned him to come in. He placed his crate on the floor by the door.

"Welcome home." She wrapped her hands around his neck.

He kissed her briefly. "I like the sound of that." His hands wandered to her hips, gripping her tighter. "I like it a lot."

She laughed as she felt his gloved fingers start on their path across her stomach, the wool tickling her bare skin.

Raven pulled away from him, and Murphy groaned.

"Don't you want a grand tour of the place?" She said, watching him shed his jacket and gloves. He put them on top of the dresser.

"All I need to know is where the bed is, and guess what?" He feigned shock as he touched the bed to his left. "I  _found_  it."

"Technically, we don't  _need_  a bed." She said, smirking.

"I like how you think." He laced his fingers in front of her stomach, his chin resting on her shoulder. "But fine, I'll humor you. Show me our place." She could feel his jaw opening and closing as he talked, and she turned her face to kiss him.

"Okay." She walked them to the far right of the room. "Here is our dresser. You can have the bottom two drawers, because I already claimed the top two."

He nodded, pressing a kiss to her collarbone, his hair brushing her cheek. She walked them forward a few steps, Murphy's hands still tightened around her.

"And here we could put a small table." She gestured to an open space by the wall. "That way we could eat in here when we wanted to, and I could work on things overnight."

"I like." He brushed his lips over her earlobe.

She spun them around, giggling when Murphy's nose rubbed against the back of her neck.

"And over here is your favorite part, the bed." Raven turned around in his arms, feeling her skin light on fire with the way he was looking at her.

"Can I kiss you now?"

She rolled her eyes, and he took that as a yes. He crushed his lips to hers hungrily, Raven groaning when he swiped his tongue lightly on her lower lip. Murphy backed them up against the bed, her knees buckling when they brushed against the mattress. She scooted back on her knees, manually moving her bad leg, Murphy following closely, his lips latched on to her neck. He bit down, and Raven moaned. She tangled her hands in his hair, pulling him closer. He made a trail with lips from her neck to behind her ear and back to her jaw. She tugged his face back up to kiss him.

She felt his hands fall away from her face, skimming her sides, teasing her. He grinned against her lips as his hands found the hem of her long-sleeved shirt. Their eyes locked and she nodded, granting him the permission he was seeking. He pulled her shirt off with tentative fingers. Raven lifted her arms to make it easier for him. She watched him toss her shirt onto the floor, and then start to lift his own shirt over his head. He did it slowly, maintaining eye contact with her as more if his bare flesh was revealed to her.

She had seen him shirtless before, but it felt more intimate now.

He dropped his shirt next to hers. Murphy laid his hands on his knees, his blue eyes flaming into hers.

She reached behind her and unclasped her bra, letting it fall down from her body. She tossed it into their pile of ever-growing clothes. She watched intently as his eyes raked down her body, how he eyed the rise and fall of her chest. He reached out and pulled her to him, his hand on her cheek.

She shivered at the feel of their bare skin rubbing against each other, wanting more. She snaked a hand between them and started to unbutton his pants, annoyed when he moved her hand out of the way. He shook his head while he kissed her already swollen lips, and pushed her back on the bed. Murphy stretched out her unmoving leg, and carefully, lovingly, undid the straps and buckles of her brace. She saw him caress her calf.

"You know I can't feel that." She whispered, her breath fanning over his slightly parted lips.

"This is for me." He said, pulling away from her to gently place the brace on the floor. "Trust me." He unbuttoned her jeans, zipping them down. Raven lifted her hips to help him take them off, surprised when Murphy knew to take special care in removing them from her bad leg.

He kissed up said calf, and Raven felt her heart thud in her ears. She watched as he pressed his lips to the area he had taken away her mobility, as if trying to kiss away his mistakes. She guessed that if she could feel it, they would be feather light on her skin.

He kissed up her knee, and her suspicions were confirmed as his lips moved to areas she  _could_  feel. Her breathing grew more ragged as he neared her center, the warmth in the pit of her stomach blooming as she saw his head move closer and closer.

Murphy spread her legs, looking up at her for permission before slipping her underwear down her legs.

"You're beautiful." He murmured against her thigh, kissing a path to where she wanted him most.

When he reached his destination, she threw her head back at the sensation. He worked her well, almost knew every spot she needed him. Looking down, Murphy's head between her thighs was one of the most erotic sights she'd ever seen.

He paid close attention, and smiled against her when her groans got louder. He kept going, until she let out a long breathy moan. He lifted his face, kissing her stomach, her breasts, her collarbone…

Murphy captured her lips again, and Raven could taste herself on his tongue. She sucked on a particularly sensitive spot on his neck, satisfied when he groaned, a low gravel sound.

She successfully unbuttoned his pants this time, and he kicked them off. He was rock hard against her inner thigh, sending more fluttering to her stomach. He pulled his boxers off, avoiding eye contact with her as he did so. His face was flushed, and she grabbed him by his chin, forcing him to look at her—Brown eyes meeting blue.

"You're enough." She said, her lips a whisper away from his. "I don't want anyone else."

He simply nodded, his hands pulling her thighs over his back. He aligned himself, and without breaking eye contact, gradually pushed himself inside of her.

She watched as he closed his eyes, his eyebrows scrunched in pleasure. He let her adjust to him, balancing his weight on his elbows so as not to crush her. She captured his lips in a searing kiss, and he took that as a sign to go ahead.

They established a rhythm. Sped up when he asked her too, slowed them down when he felt himself about to lose it. He wanted to savor the moment. Her hands were everywhere at once—his hair, raking across his back, holding on to his arms.

He felt her start to constrict around him, so he snaked an arm between them, rubbing her in a way he knew would drive her over the edge. She came, her cry silenced by Murphy's lips. He let her ride her wave, and when he couldn't keep himself together any longer, he let himself go.

He pulled out of her, collapsing on the bed beside her. They turned their heads to look at each other, their chests rising and falling with their uneven breathing. Murphy looked at the beads of sweat gathered at her hairline, reaching over to smooth her hair back.

"I love you." He whispered, his hand lingering on her cheek.

"I love you too." Raven replied without hesitation, a tired smile on her lips. "It's about damn time, you said it, though."

"Oh I'm sorry? Were you waiting a long time?" He teased.

"I've been waiting a really, really long time." She rolled herself on top of him, placing both hands on each side of his face.

He kissed her, pulling her bottom lip with her teeth.

"You won't ever have to wait again."

"Oh?" She giggled.

He shook his head. "Nope, because as long as you want me to, I'll say it to you every day."

"Multiple times a day?" She asked, kissing his sternum.

Murphy rolled his eyes playfully. "As you wish."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Princess Bride reference! AHHH Omg guys I know this chapter took forever to be up, but I hope it was worth it! If you haven't guessed it, this is pretty much the end. I will be posting an epilogue in a few days, which is bittersweet, but I'm so so so happy for all the great reviews you guys have left on this story :)
> 
> Also, there might be a Modern AU murven story from me in the near future (wink wink). It won't be as long as this one, but I'm super excited to get started on it!
> 
> Please let me know what you thought!
> 
> As always, you guys are awesome!
> 
> -xoxo


	15. Epilogue

Spring did come.

One day the snow didn't fall. The cold began to lack its customary bite as the temperatures rose. It became feasible for children to once again play in the snow, like they had that first day of winter. Monty saw a green shoot sticking out from a small mound of snow, had exclaimed it to anybody that was near that spring had arrived.

Their first sign of color since the bleak, white winter months.

And color they received. The trees that they had watched shed their leaves bloomed, their branches like outstretched arms reaching towards the slivers of sunshine that peered behind clouds. They watched the snow melt on the ground, had enjoyed a few snowball fights before the last of it disappeared.

Raven had thrown her share of them at Murphy, laughing when she hit him square in the face. She would brace herself, squeal as he charged at her, grabbing her and tossing her over his shoulder as she pounded at his back, her leg kicking in the air. Murphy would spin her around before laying her on the wet ground and hounding her with merciless kisses.

Happy.

Like the nights spent in each other's arms, legs intertwined, Raven laying her head on his chest, her face tilted up to watch him sleeping. Felt as his chest rose and fell, his heartbeat a drumming lullaby against her ear. She drew patterns on the planes of his chest, admired how his bangs matted to his forehead after they made love. His face was smooth as he slept, no frowns, no furrowed brows.

He spent a night out of their bed in the beginning of spring—a big hurrah for the coming of warmer temperatures that he celebrated with Bellamy, Miller and a few of the other men on the guard. They went out hunting, camped out.

The bed had felt empty that night. She had stretched her fingertips over the imprint of his head on his pillow, draped her legs in the spot of the mattress that had dipped with his weight. Raven had slept in one of his shirts that night, brought the collar of the shirt to her nose, inhaled his woodsy vanilla musk, and dreamt of his touch.

But he came back, he always did. Would pick her up by the waist when he was in a good mood after a hunt, or kiss her forehead when he was tired, or surprise her in the tech room when he came back early.

Those were her favorite days. They would sneak away afterwards, practically run to their bunk, and latch on to each other. Clumsy hands and biting teeth everywhere at once, against the wall, on the floor, on the table they did manage to acquire. They would lay together for as long as they could afterwards, Murphy breathing teasing words and playful kisses on her skin.

They spelled love on each other's skin with open-mouthed kisses.

He told her he loved her, multiple times a day.

Even on the days that they shouted at each other, Raven screaming in his face for something or the other, and Murphy backing away and running a hand through his hair in frustration as he spat words through his teeth. They argued about little things, like Murphy leaving his shoes on in bed, or Raven leaving out spliced wires by accident and Murphy shocking himself. They argued about heavier topics, like Murphy forgetting to tell her he would be gone all day on a hunt, and Raven skipping meals to work on the car she was fixing.

Their voices rose as they battled for dominance, until one of them kissed the other ardently, insulting them as they made the other groan. The insults would fade away, morph into love bites on each other's collarbones, necks, and jaws. Sometimes, they would apologize, but often times it was more for the formality of it than necessity. Forgiveness was always granted. Raven would kiss Murphy's aching fingertips, and Murphy would bring her lunch to make sure she didn't forget to eat.

In the end, it was him who told her it was time.

She had shaken her head, changed the subject, but he was relentless. She  _needed_  to do this.

She remembered the day he first brought it up. They were tangled on the floor, and he had pressed a kiss to her hair.

"You can't run away from it forever." He had whispered.

Raven promised him she wasn't trying to, but she was just so damn busy, and she couldn't just leave Wick alone in the tech room with the other mechanics and engineers, they were like children.

But Murphy insisted.

"John…" She had groaned, and he had just shaken his head.

He got his way in the end.

The temperature was balmy when she finally got around to it. The air was crisp and smelled of new greenery, the earth rich and wet with rain. Green, everywhere. Yellows and blues, purples and teals… Flowers as big as her palm.

The dropship was covered in them, like an ancient ruin from one of the pictures inside the Earth Skills textbook. The hole Murphy had blown on the side was almost invisible under the wrapping of ivy.

She walked to the plot of land just outside the gate, where they had been burying their dead. It was a commemoration to the original 100, for those who had risked their lives and lost the battle. Those who they had lost during the Battle of the Mountain, the ones who didn't survive their first winter…

She knelt in front of the third grave to the right of the third row; the one she knew was void of a body. Her eyes scanned the grave marker.

_Finn Collins_

_Finally at Peace, he rests._

She tried to stop the floodgate of tears from opening, but they seemed to have a mind of their own. They flowed down her face freely, and she didn't bother to wipe them away. They rolled down her neck and into the collar of her shirt, or dropped into her lap, causing little wet droplets on her pants.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, and turned instinctively into Murphy's arms.

She cried on his shoulder, as he pressed his lips to her hair.

Raven might not have been in love with Finn for a long time, but he had been family to her. She had loved him, and that sort of thing doesn't go away just because she wanted it to. For a while, he was all she had.

She was still angry, still resentful towards him.

But she was also heartbroken.

Her heart in pieces Murphy was willing to mend together, but didn't have to. This was something she had to do on her own.

That's how she knew why he had insisted she come see Finn. He wanted her to grieve properly, to let go of that part of her that would hold her back from things in the future.

He held her for a long time, running his hand through her ponytail.

She cleared her throat, wiped the remnants of her sticky tears with the back of her hand and brushed the knees of her pants as she stood up.

"Goodbye." She whispered.

She took Murphy by the hand, and together, walked back in the direction of their home.

A home that they built despite the hate that had imprinted between them at the beginning, because it was true what people said.

There's a thin line between hate and love.

And as Raven looked up into his blue irises, she only saw the latter.

 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for everyone that has been reading! This was a lot of fun for me to write, and coming home to read your reviews always made my day and kept me writing. I hope you all enjoyed this story as much as I did.
> 
> While there won't be a sequel, I will say this. Be on the lookout for a new Murven story. I'm working on something I'm really excited about ;)
> 
> Oh! Also, I recently got a tumbler lol, and I'm still kind of figuring out how it works. Feel free to follow me there if you want, I might start to post links to my stories on here and ff.net.
> 
> Tumblr url is Jarleene.tumblr.com :)
> 
> Thanks again!


End file.
